The poems were written from when I was thirteen up to seventeen. Some were personal feelings, others were memories and some were for stories I wrote.<\/p>\n
Death<\/strong> The world I feel But death… I smile still when I see its face. Why do we live life to the fullest? So why be so afraid?<\/p>\n Shadows<\/strong><\/p>\n A feeling of kindness kindles my heart Watcher<\/strong><\/p>\n Couldn’t die Never am I seen Am nothing yet am a being. A loner to this human race All I want is silence. And of terrible violence. I don’t want to be alone.<\/p>\n Waiting<\/strong><\/p>\n I do not know how I got here When I see you in this life This whole place is confusing When I want to live my life I am desperate to live again When I see you in this life Pray<\/strong><\/p>\n Last night we talked about the rest of our lives I keep on thinking things will always be the same Life is moving on and it won’t slow down for us both Now I just keep thinking back to the past of better days Don’t make me go on in life having to remember We are supposed to look back to now jokingly Can I survive it out there and make it without you somehow Now I just keep thinking back to the past of better days Blame<\/strong><\/p>\n When the night seems lonely When the moon seems not to notice When the sky will not comfort When the ocean’s full of fury When we meet again after forever being alone When life is breathed into you heart Dead<\/strong><\/p>\n And I walk in silence through these lonely walls… Rain<\/strong><\/p>\n Walking in the rain, drenched and cold… No one is there\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n Emptiness<\/strong><\/p>\n The sun spins round The days go by Look to the night Look to the silver orb above Look to the sky The sun spins round Tragic<\/strong><\/p>\n And she threw her head back in a sigh Lost<\/strong><\/p>\n Too many thoughts…. Marvelous<\/strong><\/p>\n It is morning, The arched rainbow Let us take a walk, We experience As we walk up Before our small forms It is marvelous, I am taken The sound Just a moment of tranquility Let us cross the nature-made bridge, Standing before us, It is wonderful, Surrounded in rays Before our small forms It is marvelous, I am taken Gone<\/strong><\/p>\n She bends her head over to cry… She intends to be happy- if she’ll believe she’ll be… The world gives her shame, pain and regret… Can things ever be the way they were…? Bury herself into her own dreamscape… In this world, how can things ever be the same… She says love is just a silly feeling she cannot take. She’s too far away for anyone to ever reach… She bends her head over pleading for tears… This angel world has so many devils lurking in her tracks… Nothing can ever be the same again… Buries herself into a world of isolation… Deeper and deeper no more hurt or no more pain… Her eyes are blank, force a smile over her frown… Wear a mask, do an act; perform like a lifeless doll… Reality escapes her; all she needs is her small retreat… Escape into a dream full of stars you can hold in your hands… Prism butterflies, wind riding white stallions… Too far away is she; never will she take anyone’s help or pity… Her past locked away for only her to know. Tightly, tightly wrapped… Her heart is as deep as the deepest blue seas… A porcelain doll that broke into a million different pieces. She’s too far away to be retrieved and brought back home. Misplaced<\/strong><\/p>\n Please do not condemn me Every time I see you… Will you please help me out? Every time you look at me… I look at you and I get lost Every time it is new and scary for me… Please, it is so hard for me Every time I fear of this being goodbye Please do not condemn me I fear this will be our last goodbye With me…<\/p>\n Fool<\/strong><\/p>\n Lie safe inside myself Fall into myself Hide deep within myself Lie inside myself for always Sleep in this dream always Die in here always Trapped in this cell for too long Shackled in my walls oh so long Locked in my basement of shame so long Tried to kill the pain but now there is more Wanted to escape the fear so there was no more Could no longer love myself anymore The poems were written from when I was thirteen up to seventeen. Some were personal feelings, others were memories and some were for stories I wrote. Death I recall once in mourning I smiled at the face of death. I was surrounded by lamenting and moaning But nothing hit my close to a single breath. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-old-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=31"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=31"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=31"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=31"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nI recall once in mourning
\nI smiled at the face of death.
\nI was surrounded by lamenting and moaning
\nBut nothing hit my close to a single breath.
\nLooking back I ponder in obliviousness
\nTo what this thing I really am.
\nI often wonder in much curiousness
\nIf I am really and truly human.<\/p>\n
\nWith numb and dead senses.
\nI think I am no longer real
\nAnd try to convince myself of this.
\nBut now I wonder
\nIf it isn’t death I feel so intensely.
\nNow I ponder
\nIf my soul has not yet been born within me.<\/p>\n
\nDust we come from and then shall return.
\nMore mysteries for the curious beings, the human race…
\nWill we live eternally or shall we burn?
\nI wonder what is there to fear?
\nWhy is death seen to be so grim?
\nPeople come and people go, in and out, each year.
\nIt is an adventure to go where you’ve never been.<\/p>\n
\nWhy do we search for knowledge?
\nPeople die at the contact with a bullet
\nAnd at war we become the rummage.
\nWe live and then we die.
\nLife is a mystery and can be fictional.
\nBut we are always asking the question why?
\nDeath… It happens. Everything is eventual…<\/p>\n
\nWhen the first breath of night has come
\nAlone in the darkness and the shadows in folds
\nFor once I feel as one
\nThe inky night devours me into its very heart
\nAnd at once the aching comes
\nIt drips down incessantly with the waxing moon
\nLunacy and pain for once can be known
\nFor the light of day covers such things
\nTill they are evident no more
\nBut in the night you can feel its presence
\nIn the blinding darkness the melancholy lingers
\nThe pain harbors and takes vacancy with the soul
\nBut now as the shadows wrap their loving arms
\nAbout those in this thing called night
\nI feel okay again…
\nBecause even though it can bring pain and grief…
\nIt can save those enduring such things too…<\/p>\n
\nWas never born
\nA shadow where I lie.<\/p>\n
\nI’m everywhere, nowhere<\/p>\n
\nA watcher of the world- this thing…<\/p>\n
\nYet all is wanted is belonging.<\/p>\n
\nMy emotions are of pain, fear…<\/p>\n
\nYet the odd thing is…<\/p>\n
\nI do not know why you took me in
\nThis world seems cruel and crazy
\nThis is the only place I have ever been<\/p>\n
\nI begin to think about my life
\nIs it heaven or is it fate
\nWhat is love and what is hate?<\/p>\n
\nThis emptiness eats away at me
\nI think that I am loosing
\nI think I have lost my sanity<\/p>\n
\nI am lost within this fight
\nIs this love a twisted fate?
\nI think I am failing at this rate<\/p>\n
\nI am lost and I am shattered
\nWill you please be my friend?
\nDo you still think I matter?<\/p>\n
\nI begin to think about my life
\nFor me, will you wait?
\nOr did I just come too late?<\/p>\n
\nWhere we might be in ten or so more years
\nI keep hoping nothing will ever change
\nAnd I’ll have another moment like this with you tonight<\/p>\n
\nBut tonight you told me you might not come back
\nIf I needed to tell you something to tell it now
\nBut I thought we’d always have yet another day<\/p>\n
\nWe have memories that are cherished dearly
\nBut I now realize how I want more of them around
\nPlease don’t tell me I will have to look back and cope<\/p>\n
\nI didn’t know much of love back then in my youth
\nBut it struck me and I learned to cherish this feeling
\nNow I know I must hold onto this emotion, so tonight I pray<\/p>\n
\nAll the times I’d be with out you in my arms
\nOf your loving smile that brightens my days of gloom
\nYou had promised me we would always be together<\/p>\n
\nI keep telling myself that this is not goodbye
\nWe think about what tomorrow will bring fondly at night
\nYou told me you could never do that with out me<\/p>\n
\nI guess I thought that this joy with you would never end
\nI thought you would never become just a wonderful memory
\nWill this past be a burden that will follow me around<\/p>\n
\nI didn’t know much of love back then in my youth
\nBut it struck me and I learned to cherish this feeling
\nNow I know I must hold onto this emotion, so tonight I pray<\/p>\n
\nWhen the stars seem cold
\nI will be there with you
\nAs shadows that keep you in my hold…<\/p>\n
\nWhen the sun is too high up
\nI will be there with you
\nAs the stars- tears from heaven’s ducts…<\/p>\n
\nWhen the clouds seem not to care
\nI will be there with you
\nAs the wind fingering your fine hair…<\/p>\n
\nWhen the sea is too far away
\nI will be there with you
\nAs the wash splashing on the bay…<\/p>\n
\nWhen my delicate heart let us my broken soul soar
\nI will be there with you
\nAs angels place you among the stars…<\/p>\n
\nWhen you feel no more hurt or pain
\nI will still be there with you
\nAs you transcend your unnecessary blame…<\/p>\n
\nDown into the pit of my despairing soul.
\nThrough the cemetery of my spirit which wails as I pass by…
\nI stop and look at it.
\nStab a knife through its life…
\nAnd there: I’m done with it.<\/p>\n
\nI’m falling into numbness, but I trudge on.
\nCars run by off to their homes…
\nWhere it is safe and secure and warm…
\nI wonder if they think me to be mad…
\nMad standing here in the hard cold rain.
\nMy body stops aching and is seems like ice…
\nTough, hard ice…
\nLonely planet I live on- an isolated star…
\nI walk on wrapped in this nakedness…
\nThis lack of concealment… in the rain.
\nA bear child- off with the day time’s mask.
\nAnd I stand, in the rain crying…
\nAs my wounds are shown and my body is broken…
\nBecause no one is there to see them…
\nNo one is there…<\/p>\n
\nThe stars have died
\nThe moon is bound
\nIn the crying sky<\/p>\n
\nWithout a sound
\nA life of lies
\nI am bound<\/p>\n
\nSo full of stars
\nThey twinkle bright
\nThey’re tears of scars<\/p>\n
\nSo lonely on it’s velvet sheets
\nWaiting, longing for a lost love
\nBut on the other side it bleeds<\/p>\n
\nSo vast so deep
\nIt is full of sighs
\nAnd the tears we weep<\/p>\n
\nThe stars have died
\nThe moon is bound
\nIn the crying sky<\/p>\n
\nHer face was held in the cool night sky…
\nAnd the wind sang her a lullaby…
\nThe stars watched her as she cried…
\nBitter tears in her heart on her lips a lie…
\nTime ticks slowly, softly by
\nSomething in her soul had died.<\/p>\n
\nA question hangs,
\nBut an argument enters
\nMore wondering,
\nSome reason,
\nSo blind hope…
\nAll at once….
\nAnd all in silence.
\nAnd the question is still there…
\nIn it’s quiet echo.<\/p>\n
\nJust after a shower,
\nThe sun sparkles
\nSo brilliantly<\/p>\n
\nIs most likely
\nA good sign for me:<\/p>\n
\nAnd get away from it all:
\nA small adventure with you
\nChanges the sad sky for me.<\/p>\n
\nThe fresh breeze
\nRushing all
\nOver our bodies.<\/p>\n
\nThe old dirt path
\nI feel such peace.<\/p>\n
\nFlows forth a magnificent waterfall;
\nWhen we lay down on the rocky ridge
\nAnd sigh in contentment,<\/p>\n
\nIsn’t it?
\nThe clouds floating
\nIn the sky<\/p>\n
\nBy the placid blue radiance.
\nCan you feel it?<\/p>\n
\nOf the birds serenading
\nIs so gentle
\nAnd soothing<\/p>\n
\nChanges the worries
\nThat lay with in me.<\/p>\n
\nI will never let you fall,
\nI will pick you up
\nAnd never let you down.<\/p>\n
\nAre the towering trees everywhere we look.
\nClose your eyes, listen,
\nAnd take a deep breath,<\/p>\n
\nIsn’t it?
\nThe rising sun’s rays
\nFlow through the trees.<\/p>\n
\nThat coruscate all the hues of yellow.
\nCan you feel it?<\/p>\n
\nFlows forth a magnificent waterfall;
\nWhen we lay down on the rocky ridge
\nAnd sigh in contentment,<\/p>\n
\nIsn’t it?
\nThe clouds
\nFloating in the sky<\/p>\n
\nBy the placid blue radiance.
\nCan you feel it?<\/p>\n
\nBut nothing comes out of her brown, turned to blue, eyes.<\/p>\n
\nBut what she feels inside isn’t on the label she carries…<\/p>\n
\nCan she forget the past or is she not able to yet?<\/p>\n
\nOr are those bright pretty dreams ones that tear, fade and blur?<\/p>\n
\nFull of butterflies, flowers, lovely pictures -her only escape.<\/p>\n
\nWhen everything wonderful dies away and fades?<\/p>\n
\nReality is Hell and her dreams are her only escape…<\/p>\n
\nHer world is deep -it takes her away from the grief.<\/p>\n
\nBut all her sadness flow in rivers inside her…<\/p>\n
\nThey take piece by piece and she’s about to crack…<\/p>\n
\nShe keeps breaking and shattering at the end…<\/p>\n
\nNo one will hurt her in her place of consolation.<\/p>\n
\nShe hides so cunningly; she’s too far away…<\/p>\n
\nTo her all smiles are lies; they’re really meant to be upside down.<\/p>\n
\nHer spirit slowly dies and fear makes her fall…<\/p>\n
\nA Utopia that shields her away from cruelty and deceit…<\/p>\n
\nSeas emerald green and many exotic lands…<\/p>\n
\nMagic everywhere… it is her small vacation.<\/p>\n
\nShe’s ashamed to let anyone know, so insecure, and rickety…<\/p>\n
\nAlone and unstable…silently screaming and shattered… she’s trapped.<\/p>\n
\nThat held many unhidden secrets -the surface- beneath.<\/p>\n
\nA wound in each shard, placed back together… a puzzle of secrets.<\/p>\n
\nIt seems she’s already left… it seems she’s already gone…<\/p>\n
\nIf I act awkward and strange
\nI do not mean to be so lost
\nPerhaps I am just misplaced<\/p>\n
\nAll the time I am here with you<\/p>\n
\nI just do not know what to say
\nThere are many things I want to tell you
\nYou brought light into my days<\/p>\n
\nAll the time you help guide me<\/p>\n
\nWithin your sea blue depths
\nThis life is some kind of mystery
\nBut I am glad that we somehow met<\/p>\n
\nAll the time it is surreal and exciting to me<\/p>\n
\nSometimes I want to scream out loud
\nTell you everything running through my mind
\nI am sick of living a lie never making a sound<\/p>\n
\nAll the time I fear you will tell me goodbye<\/p>\n
\nIf I act awkward and strange
\nI do not mean to be so lost
\nPerhaps I am just misplaced<\/p>\n
\nI can only I pray you’ll stay near…
\nI never want you to say goodbye…
\nI am only happy when you’re here<\/p>\n
\nBleed out shadows
\nWrapped in protection
\nI’m not broken here
\nI don’t need to be fixed<\/p>\n
\nStop the pain
\nKeep it on the outside
\nClose my eyes now
\nLet me be color blind<\/p>\n
\nTurn off every light
\nDon’t want to be seen
\nNo face do I hold now
\nIncognito now I am.<\/p>\n
\nLook out the imaginary window
\nFear resides constantly
\nWatch the world pass me by
\nLock myself in reverie<\/p>\n
\nPlace a collar on my neck
\nStay here away from the world
\nRest in the calm grays and blacks
\nBlues wash over this tired soul<\/p>\n
\nLost within this darkness
\nAfraid of what is left in this cell
\nThe resemblance of a face
\nLost in this I’m not breathing.<\/p>\n
\nEverything is hollow now
\nSanctuary is now hell
\nNo one can find me anymore
\nImprisoned by myself<\/p>\n
\nTerrified of what this place has become
\nAlone with a dying soul
\nEaten away by shadows
\nThis blackness is killing me<\/p>\n
\nThere is no door for a key
\nNothing can undo this chains
\nThis brank won’t come off
\nCan’t find myself as I’m dying.<\/p>\n
\nHoped to forget the wounds
\nAnxiety is intense now it won’t leave
\nI’m shattered to pieces here
\nI can’t find all the pieces<\/p>\n
\nThought everyone was fooled
\nNothing ever was and it will never be
\nCan no longer see light out side the window
\nToo blind to find the way<\/p>\n
\nPeople only see my mask and think I’m fine
\nBleeding inside myself as I’m screaming
\nMy voice is muffled and I can’t get out
\nUnable to save myself now. I am gone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"