{"id":30,"date":"2005-09-13T15:34:00","date_gmt":"2005-09-13T22:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/?p=30"},"modified":"2007-08-24T14:48:15","modified_gmt":"2007-08-24T19:48:15","slug":"hightlights-and-poetry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/?p=30","title":{"rendered":"Hightlights and Poetry…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Highlights I Suppose:<\/u><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. CP and Neko had been missing for three days. I finally got word from them on Monday. Thank god. Problems with family and college are what they are enduring. I can understand that really. That was how it was for me last year and perhaps the year before that. With their luck though, it would be an exemplified version. Let us hope not.<\/li>\n
  2. I really want to see The Corpse Bride. However, one there is no movie theatre here I believe any of us would go to. I have seen one, but it seems my brother does not go to it, so it must be bad or something. Secondly, I made a promise with CP. As for the last reason, I rarely get to see movies in theatres. Gah!<\/li>\n
  3. My sleeping has been more jumbled again and I am sleeping far too much once more. Still though, my sleep all is prominent through the day. Thus, I am usually up at night. Ah, diurnal unconsciousness is such fun.<\/li>\n
  4. I did a small update to my site. I could do many, but it is all about pacing. Kyle would be a prime example of what happens to a website when it is not updated or cared for regularly.<\/li>\n
  5. I talked to Kyle Sunday night. It was a good night. It had been a while since we had a conversation that was not in long silent gaps.<\/li>\n
  6. I seem to be accumulating music quicker than I usually would. The music-email trend is to be the cause. I will need to ask Kyle if he has any Chopin.<\/li>\n
  7. I still have yet to figure out how to make my Languages and Character Encoding work with certain language characters like Japanese and Chinese. Ah, my feeble intelligence… well, I hope that I will figure it out some day. If I fail, it is not the end of the world. I just hate seeing a million question marks.<\/li>\n
  8. I worked on trying to remember some of my poems and searched everything I have ever “owned” net wise and had physical material wise. I accumulated more after my brain and resourcefulness finally kicked in. If only I had been more diligent about posting my stories. I am only missing about five poems now. Sigh. Well, I saved my poems in three places. I hope that I will not lose them again… but knowing me, I likely will. I suppose I will post them on here for safe keeping as well.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    <\/span><\/p>\n

    The poems were written from when I was thirteen up to seventeen. Some were personal feelings, others were memories and some were for stories I wrote.<\/p>\n

    <\/span>
    \nEcstatic<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    I want you to know<\/span>
    \nI am happy for you<\/span>
    \nI wish nothing more<\/span>
    \nThan that you stay the same<\/span><\/p>\n

    It is easier to be not wise<\/span>
    \nTo know things that are lies<\/span>
    \nI hope you are happy<\/span>
    \nLocked within your own blindness<\/span><\/p>\n

    It is easier to be great<\/span>
    \nTo be and imitate<\/span>
    \nI hope you are happy<\/span>
    \nTo never give me any kindness<\/span><\/p>\n

    Why do you do this to me?<\/span>
    \nWhat is it I have done to you? And<\/span>
    \nDo you know that what you can’t see<\/span>
    \nAlways brings me to the end?<\/span><\/p>\n

    I hope you cry<\/span>
    \nYou should whine<\/span>
    \nYou ought to wail<\/span>
    \nWhile I’m still here<\/span><\/p>\n

    I’m still here as a reminder<\/span>
    \nOf all the pain you gave to me<\/span>
    \nI hope you are happy<\/span>
    \nMy dear pain giver<\/span><\/p>\n

    Do you still want to destroy my tender heart until it shatters?<\/span>
    \nI hope when I give out my rage and pain you scream.<\/span>
    \nYou know I’m broken and am an array of jagged matter.<\/span><\/p>\n

    That you can see it… My rage is what you see,<\/span>
    \nThat you can feel my pain, which is an endless sea…<\/span>
    \nThat you can taste my anger that echoes into eternity.<\/span>
    \nThat you can live it… My scars that are buried deep in me.<\/span>
    \nThat you can know the burden that you will forever be.<\/span><\/p>\n

    And that you scream when you are plagued with it.<\/span>
    \nDo you still want to open this deep wound of mine?<\/span>
    \nYou have no right to show me contempt.<\/span><\/p>\n

    I thought you should know<\/span>
    \nThat I pity you<\/span>
    \nI want nothing more<\/span>
    \nThan for you to be the same<\/span><\/p>\n

    I leave you to your lies<\/span>
    \nTo let another one cry<\/span>
    \nI hope you will be happy<\/span>
    \nStill left in your blindness<\/span><\/p>\n

    I leave you to think you’re wonderful<\/span>
    \nTo let you hurt others<\/span>
    \nI hope you will be happy<\/span>
    \nFinding out no one will again trust you<\/span><\/p>\n

    When you do this to me<\/span>
    \nWhen I have done nothing to you. And<\/span>
    \nYou will never see<\/span>
    \nYou bring yourself to your own end<\/span><\/p>\n

    I won’t fade<\/span>
    \nIn your mind I’ll stay<\/span>
    \nI’ll scar your mind<\/span>
    \nTill it won’t be the same<\/span><\/p>\n

    I’m still here as a reminder<\/span>
    \nOf all the pain you gave to me<\/span>
    \nI hope you are happy<\/span>
    \nMy dear pain giver<\/span><\/p>\n

    Do you still want to condemn me since I am not like you?<\/span>
    \nI hope when I give out my rage and pain you scream.<\/span>
    \nThe cry will never amount to what I’ve gone through.<\/span><\/p>\n

    That you can see it… My rage is what you see,<\/span>
    \nThat you can feel my pain, which is an endless sea…<\/span>
    \nThat you can taste my anger that echoes into eternity.<\/span>
    \nThat you can live it… My scars that are buried deep in me.<\/span>
    \nThat you can know the burden that you will forever be.<\/span><\/p>\n

    And that you scream when you are plagued with it.<\/span>
    \nDo you still want to make cry this heart of mine?<\/span>
    \nI hope you are happy with the crimes you commit.<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    Reminisce<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Distinctly I remember, many years ago,<\/span>
    \nOf an antisocial student who was known as Joe.<\/span>
    \nHe was always contemplating and created great illusions in his head.<\/span>
    \nHe buried himself in a fascinating world, constantly leaving the world he dreaded.<\/span>
    \nHis complex life was incomprehensible for his father to understand.<\/span>
    \nChildren irked Joe’s mother, so she never gave him a friendly hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

    In his own world, Joe was brilliant, sophisticated and cool; no one dared to push him down.<\/span>
    \nGenerally, if anyone did, he’d force his or her smile into a frown.<\/span>
    \nClearly, I remember that assertive boy;<\/span>
    \nHe always buried himself in extra curriculums or played with his computer toys.<\/span>
    \nApparently, the football team picked on him, annoying him persistently.<\/span>
    \nHe was never granted peace. All that he was given was torment poured on vigorously.<\/span>
    \nIronically, all they did was unleashed a fierce tiger.<\/span>
    \nIn return for their confiscating his esteem, he let them see his internal fire.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Joe’s father never investigated or could see his son’s stepmother despised the boy enthusiastically.<\/span>
    \nShe flourished the boy with belittling, lies full of venom and cruelty.<\/span>
    \nTo the world he was a wicked boy, but inside he was deteriorating.<\/span>
    \nNo one ever liked him; the thought of being his friend was degrading.<\/span>
    \nJoe never talked in class before; no one ever conceived of him doing that!<\/span>
    \nAll he ever did was draw or read in class.<\/span><\/p>\n

    He was just the weird kid who kids got their twisted pleasure from.<\/span>
    \nNow everyone wishes they hadn’t been so quick with their predilections.<\/span>
    \nNow, we all try to eradicate that day from our memory,<\/span>
    \nBut all we can do is reminisce in our guilt and stupidity.<\/span>
    \nNo one will ever forget that day.<\/span>
    \nThat is the price we’ll eternally pay.<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \nMask<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    I wear a mask of glass…<\/span><\/p>\n

    Every time when you look at me<\/span>
    \nWhat you believe who I am<\/span>
    \nIs not he person I am<\/span>
    \nYou will probably never know me…<\/span><\/p>\n

    I can deceive the eye, everyone<\/span>
    \nAnd everything except for my heart<\/span><\/p>\n

    I wear a mask of glass…<\/span><\/p>\n

    All the time, day in and day out<\/span>
    \nI am just a character to play as I go about<\/span>
    \nI wear a million masks, but none of them is I<\/span>
    \nMy true self is marked out<\/span><\/p>\n

    I can deceive the eye, everyone<\/span>
    \nAnd everything except for my heart<\/span><\/p>\n

    I wear a mask of glass…<\/span><\/p>\n

    What has become of me?<\/span>
    \nA stranger is all that I see…<\/span>
    \nWhy am I so lost inside?<\/span>
    \nIs that what is to forever be<\/span><\/p>\n

    Will they ever accept me for who I am?<\/span>
    \nAnd not turn down my shattered heart?<\/span><\/p>\n

    I wear a mask of glass…<\/span><\/p>\n

    Here I am now in a world…<\/span>
    \nWhere my ways are not aloud<\/span>
    \nAnd my heart… Is imprisoned<\/span>
    \nBut someday… I will be free, some how<\/span><\/p>\n

    Will they ever accept me for who I am?<\/span>
    \nAnd not turn down my shattered heart?<\/span><\/p>\n

    I wear a mask of glass…<\/span><\/p>\n

    What has become of me?<\/span>
    \nA stranger is all that I see…<\/span>
    \nWhy is what I see is someone I do not know?<\/span>
    \nWhat can unlock my true self- what is the key?<\/span><\/p>\n

    Will I ever free my locked up soul<\/span>
    \nAnd my caged up heart?<\/span><\/p>\n

    I wear a mask of glass…<\/span><\/p>\n

    Will I forever practice the art of illusion?<\/span>
    \nWhy I do this, it is my biggest confusion<\/span>
    \nWill I be some one else for all time?<\/span>
    \nFinding a way to be myself is now my only resolution<\/span><\/p>\n

    Will I ever free my locked up soul<\/span>
    \nAnd my caged up heart?<\/span><\/p>\n

    I wear a mask of glass…<\/span><\/p>\n

    Why can we not be ourselves and simply reveal?<\/span>
    \nEvery thought and all the things that we truly feel<\/span>
    \nMust there always be a hidden, always be a secret me<\/span>
    \nThat will forever be concealed?<\/span><\/p>\n

    Some day my heart will be free<\/span>
    \nAnd I will be loved for what is in my heart<\/span><\/p>\n

    I wear a mask of glass…<\/span><\/p>\n

    I do not want to be forced to hide<\/span>
    \nI will not pretend and I will not lie<\/span>
    \nOne day, some how I will not be concealed<\/span>
    \nAnd show whom I am inside<\/span><\/p>\n

    Some day my heart will be free<\/span>
    \nAnd I will be loved for what is in my heart<\/span><\/p>\n

    I will escape from this mask of glass.<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    Chamber<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    I’m filled with pain and lingering feelings<\/span>
    \nThat I paint on my walls and ceilings.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Dreams and nightmares, hopes to be dead<\/span>
    \nLinger like worms upon my cold hard bed.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Despair and misery, can’t go anymore<\/span>
    \nSo shut and lock and bolt the door.<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \nKey<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    I don’t know what world I came from<\/span>
    \nDeep in my heart sleeps a dream<\/span>
    \nIn the night is a sweet lullaby<\/span>
    \nThat has a way to comfort me.<\/span><\/p>\n

    All I know now is that everything is a blur<\/span>
    \nWill you come now and show me what I am for?<\/span><\/p>\n

    As the moon ascends to the sky<\/span>
    \nResting in me is a mystery<\/span>
    \nSomewhere I know surely<\/span>
    \nWithin me is the key<\/span><\/p>\n

    I just don’t know what I am to do now<\/span>
    \nWhy I am here… Could you show me how?<\/span><\/p>\n

    This serene feeling in my spirit<\/span>
    \nWhat is its name please tell me<\/span>
    \nWhy I am here I do not know<\/span>
    \nBut one day it’ll come eventually.<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \nCome<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Come toward me<\/span>
    \nSo I won’t be lost in the distance.<\/span>
    \nThe only light I see is you.<\/span>
    \nLet there be no more pain.<\/span>
    \nHere memories die and fade.<\/span><\/p>\n

    I am so alone and empty.<\/span>
    \nStay with me, entity I’ve waited for<\/span><\/p>\n

    I give you all the stars and dreams<\/span>
    \nLike the rain you wash away all fears<\/span>
    \nMy dear I plead for all your love.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Come toward me<\/span>
    \nSo I won’t be lost in the distance.<\/span>
    \nThe only light I see is you.<\/span>
    \nLet there be no more pain.<\/span>
    \nHere memories die and fade.<\/span><\/p>\n

    I am so alone<\/span>
    \nBut with you I’m not empty.<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \nFragile<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    I know all too well<\/span>
    \nHow to appear to be stable,<\/span>
    \nAfter all those years,<\/span>
    \nAll feeling is indefinable<\/span><\/p>\n

    Certainly there is something<\/span>
    \nI want you to see,<\/span>
    \nSurely there are many expressions<\/span>
    \nI want you to heed.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Look into me and see what I feel<\/span>
    \nWhen I laugh and when I ache.<\/span>
    \nMaybe then I’ll stop being the person<\/span>
    \nWho just simply sits and waits.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Perhaps I’ll make the most of it,<\/span>
    \nBecause I know you’ll be by my side,<\/span>
    \nPerhaps I might make it out of here<\/span>
    \nWhen I feel strong enough inside.<\/span><\/p>\n

    But for now my fragile feelings<\/span>
    \nCan only hope to reach you eventually. <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    Vulnerable<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Do not want to cry<\/span>
    \nBut that is all a lie<\/span>
    \nDo not want to feel<\/span>
    \nJust want to escape all that’s real<\/span><\/p>\n

    All I feel is shame<\/span>
    \nLiving in this game<\/span>
    \nLetting things get to me<\/span>
    \nEating away at me<\/span><\/p>\n

    Stronger now am I<\/span>
    \nFrom things that haven’t made me die<\/span>
    \nPush your tears away<\/span>
    \nThis is a price to pay<\/span><\/p>\n

    Hello, pain, my friend<\/span>
    \nWill this never end?<\/span>
    \nI just don’t know why<\/span>
    \nPeople make me cry<\/span><\/p>\n

    Just leave me alone<\/span>
    \nHidden in my home<\/span>
    \nAfraid of hurt being sent<\/span>
    \nDon’t want to be the strong one again<\/span><\/p>\n

    Falling down again<\/span>
    \nI will never win<\/span>
    \nAnother road has turned<\/span>
    \nLessons will be learned<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    Hanging<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Please take my soul<\/span>
    \nAnd then never let me see it again<\/span>
    \nJust crush my spirit<\/span>
    \nUntil I will never heal in the end<\/span><\/p>\n

    I am just a cell<\/span>
    \nThat holds this havoc and pain in<\/span>
    \nSo I ask you to destroy me<\/span>
    \nTo the point I crash and burn<\/span><\/p>\n

    I can’t escape…<\/span>
    \nI am unable to flee these chains<\/span>
    \nTake all my hope now<\/span>
    \nCrush it until it doesn’t look mundane<\/span><\/p>\n

    Let me just hang here<\/span>
    \nAnd die watching the universe spiral away<\/span>
    \nNow leave me…Deceive me,<\/span>
    \nAnd don’t let me see the light of day<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \nSaying<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Hear what I am not saying<\/span>
    \nDo not listen to these lies<\/span>
    \nI want you to look deeper<\/span>
    \nFor the truth hidden<\/span>
    \nFar within my eyes<\/span><\/p>\n

    When I say it is nothing<\/span>
    \nDo not listen to those words I say<\/span>
    \nWhat I am really asking<\/span>
    \nIs for you to hold me<\/span>
    \nFor that is what I pray<\/span><\/p>\n

    Please, will you hear-<\/span>
    \nWhat I am not saying…<\/span><\/p>\n

    If I were to ask you<\/span>
    \nNot to pay me any kind of mind<\/span>
    \nWhat I am really saying<\/span>
    \nIs that I need you<\/span>
    \nTo be understanding and kind<\/span><\/p>\n

    Remember that time I asked you<\/span>
    \nNot to look at me<\/span>
    \nThe thing I really wanted to say<\/span>
    \nWas please see my tears<\/span>
    \nThe ones that are locked in me<\/span><\/p>\n

    Please, will you hear-<\/span>
    \nWhat I am not saying…<\/span><\/p>\n

    When I say that I do not matter,<\/span>
    \nThat you should not care<\/span>
    \nWhat I am truly saying<\/span>
    \nIs, please, will you<\/span>
    \nForever always be there<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \nAll I ask of you is please hear<\/span>
    \nWhat I am not saying.<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    Chains<\/span><\/strong>
    \n <\/span>
    \nI have been weaved<\/span>
    \nClosely into your grasp<\/span>
    \nIt leaves me unable to forget you,<\/span>
    \nOr of the moments we shared last<\/span>
    \nI know now of the things<\/span>
    \nI could never see<\/span>
    \nI had no point of running<\/span>
    \nUnless you were with me<\/span><\/p>\n

    Just I alone made half the distance,<\/span>
    \nBut you held me back again<\/span>
    \nI would feel the cold chill<\/span>
    \nOne that led me back to suffering<\/span>
    \nBut I could feel freedom,<\/span>
    \nThose brief moments of soaring<\/span>
    \nUntil once again I was beaten down<\/span>
    \nTo the past I want to leave<\/span>
    \nYou made it half the distance<\/span>
    \nTowards your goal<\/span>
    \nBut it was a waste of time,<\/span>
    \nI held you behind once again<\/span><\/p>\n

    My shackles that hold me<\/span>
    \nBack from soaring, you are<\/span>
    \nThe many chains that twist<\/span>
    \nAbout you, I am<\/span>
    \nYou hold me back,<\/span>
    \nLeashing me to my cell;<\/span>
    \nI can’t leave you behind<\/span>
    \nThis is our fate,<\/span>
    \nThis endless waltz?<\/span>
    \nI’ll break through for your sake;<\/span>
    \nThat will be my destiny<\/span><\/p>\n

    I am a slave with<\/span>
    \nIn your scheme of clinging<\/span>
    \nForever keeping you<\/span>
    \nIn my embrace of friendship<\/span>
    \nTake your pieces<\/span>
    \nOf remembrance of me and leave me<\/span>
    \nYou don’t need me to keep you alive;<\/span>
    \nI don’t need you to guide me<\/span>
    \nYou are my troubles<\/span>
    \nThat is why it followed me so easily<\/span><\/p>\n

    We’ve gone only half<\/span>
    \nThe distance together<\/span>
    \nWe’ve only gone one-fourth<\/span>
    \nThe distance alone<\/span>
    \nWe can’t go through together,<\/span>
    \nWe’d be back to the cell once more<\/span>
    \nYou’d hold me back;<\/span>
    \nI’d keep you down<\/span>
    \nThis is our end, leave me now,<\/span>
    \nWe have different paths<\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Do not come here anymore.<\/span>
    \nDo not enter forevermore.<\/span>
    \nThe unknown is impossible<\/span>
    \nThose feats are too hard, you are too low<\/span>
    \nIt is better safe than to be sorry<\/span>
    \nDon’t fear what you don’t know<\/span><\/p>\n

    Crushes are bittersweet<\/span>
    \nThose feelings can make you fall<\/span>
    \nThat’s why they are called \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Crushes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/span>
    \nDon’t let them leave you empty, stand up tall<\/span><\/p>\n

    Little things mean nothing<\/span>
    \nI used to think they were<\/span>
    \nThey aren’t insignificant<\/span>
    \nDon’t let them fade into a blur<\/span><\/p>\n

    There is a threat commonly said<\/span>
    \nIf you move you will surely die<\/span>
    \nI am dead and yet I can move<\/span>
    \nDon’t let what you have pass you by<\/span><\/p>\n

    <\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    Broken<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Let me lie<\/span>
    \nWith in my cell.<\/span>
    \nI hear the memories<\/span>
    \nOf lost yesterdays.<\/span>
    \nI am empty and lifeless<\/span>
    \nAs if I were a doll.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Let me die here<\/span>
    \nFor it was so long ago when I fell.<\/span>
    \nI burn in this autumn whirl,<\/span>
    \nThis is the price I pay.<\/span>
    \nI am shattered and my empty eyes<\/span>
    \nCan shed no more tears.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Let the blood and pain<\/span>
    \nSting my very soul.<\/span>
    \nI will be devoured by it<\/span>
    \nAlong with my shattered heart.<\/span>
    \nI am suspended up<\/span>
    \nIn this web of pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Let the shadows surround and take over<\/span>
    \nLeaving me alone and cold.<\/span>
    \nI hang being strung within<\/span>
    \nThese illusions of iron wraps.<\/span>
    \nI am trapped within this black chamber<\/span>
    \nCreated from my own despair.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Let me be locked<\/span>
    \nAnd let me be bound.<\/span>
    \nI sink clutched within<\/span>
    \nThe web of my own melancholy.<\/span>
    \nI am as free as a blind bird<\/span>
    \nWith broken wings trapped in a cage.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Let me be killed<\/span>
    \nAnd let it be slow and painful.<\/span>
    \nI want to feel this misery<\/span>
    \nAs I am taken farther into the numbness.<\/span>
    \nI am broken<\/span>
    \nWhat hope do I have left?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    <\/span>
    \nPeople<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    People make me feel like an imbecile.<\/span>
    \nA person comes from a group of people.<\/span>
    \nAnd that one person makes me feel imprudent.<\/span>
    \nI myself am a person.<\/span>
    \nTherefore, I make myself feel unintelligent.<\/span>
    \nHowever…<\/span>
    \nIt coming from myself has twice the impact…<\/span>
    \nBecause my own view of myself triggers disgust<\/span>
    \nin my own self.<\/span>
    \nAnd my being seems useless and pointless.<\/span>
    \nThen there is the emptiness.<\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/span>
    \n <\/span>
    \n <\/span><\/p>\n

    Song of Me<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Everything is rotting<\/span>
    \nInto nothing more<\/span><\/p>\n

    The soul is always crying<\/span>
    \nTears upon the floor<\/span><\/p>\n

    So maybe I’m just dying<\/span>
    \nLike a festering sore<\/span><\/p>\n

    Maybe I’m just lying<\/span>
    \nLost within this horror<\/span><\/p>\n

    ‘Cause everything is rotting<\/span>
    \nInto nothing more<\/span><\/p>\n

    And everything is dying<\/span>
    \nAs I lie on this floor…<\/span><\/p>\n

    Leave<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Pain: My comrade<\/span>
    \nNagging all through day<\/span>
    \nI drowned in its glow<\/span>
    \nWishing for darkness on my way<\/span><\/p>\n

    Loneliness: Companion<\/span>
    \nSits with me by and by<\/span>
    \nAs I lay with endless thoughts<\/span>
    \nAs the stars disappear in the sky<\/span><\/p>\n

    Depression: My friend<\/span>
    \nWhom I know so well<\/span>
    \nI looked her in the eye<\/span>
    \nWishing she’d just go to HELL<\/span><\/p>\n

    Beautiful<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Forced down and tortured<\/span>
    \nI am locked to despair<\/span>
    \nTime goes slowly to me<\/span>
    \nMurmurs of the past<\/span>
    \nSpin ’round in the air<\/span>
    \nI am blind<\/span>
    \nThis blackness is beautiful<\/span><\/p>\n

    I cannot take this place<\/span>
    \nLocked within these chains<\/span>
    \nI cannot feel,<\/span>
    \nNor do I know my face<\/span>
    \nLocked here chained to fate<\/span><\/p>\n

    I have a hunger for change<\/span>
    \nI starve for some sort of truth<\/span>
    \nBut having hope feels strange<\/span>
    \nI’m lost watching everything move<\/span><\/p>\n

    I have these impossible dreams<\/span>
    \nVague illusions of the late night<\/span>
    \nThat once I could hold it seemed<\/span>
    \nI held the sun, the moon, the skies<\/span><\/p>\n

    But those are illusions that die<\/span>
    \nLost dreams that bleed in my soul<\/span>
    \nThis lacking feeling leaves me empty inside<\/span>
    \nAnd there is nothing, but a deep hole<\/span><\/p>\n

    My life is shredded to nothing<\/span>
    \nAnd my heart is blended to a mess<\/span>
    \nMy soul is ashes but its still burning<\/span>
    \nMy mind is washed by madness<\/span><\/p>\n

    Forced down and tortured<\/span>
    \nI am locked to despair<\/span>
    \nTime goes slowly to me<\/span>
    \nMurmurs of the past<\/span>
    \nSpin ’round in the air<\/span>
    \nI’m blind<\/span>
    \nThis blackness is beautiful<\/span><\/p>\n

    Beautiful…<\/span><\/p>\n

    Beautiful…<\/span><\/p>\n

    I am blind<\/span>
    \nAnd this blackness is beautiful to me<\/span><\/span>
    \n<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Highlights I Suppose: CP and Neko had been missing for three days. I finally got word from them on Monday. Thank god. Problems with family and college are what they are enduring. I can understand that really. That was how it was for me last year and perhaps the year before that. With their luck […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-old-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyxity-lee.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}