(Nov. 21-25)
Peabody seems to be doing better. Wednesday morning he was hurking a lot, but that ended soon enough. He’s eating, responding and is more alert.
Thanksgiving went by quickly for me. I slept half the day. I figure it was due to having trouble sleeping the night before. Despite that, everyone seemed to have enjoyed it, which is all that matters.
My sister liked the card I got her and her cold seems to be clearing up. she was still coughing quite a bit, but she said other than that she felt fine.
Friday was more or less a usual day, other than the fact I slept a lot. Maybe it is the weather? Perhaps it is because my mom has had off time since Wednesday? There are other possibilities.
The weekend passed in a blur.

(Nov. 26-30)
Monday to Wednesday was the same. My mom had to go back to work, but after that, ten days of vacation for her.
Thursday was the big day on two accounts. My cat had an appointment at the vet clinic at one thirty. His results were less than… well… sigh. His levels went back up to the sixties. He is supposed to be down to thirty, at most thirty six. Mom and I were not supposed to give him protein at all. Well, my mom thought it would help him gain some weight and the broth would help him get more fluids.
By the end of the appointment, my mom asked him about how long my cat will likely live. Worse case, two weeks. Best case is two years. Wah… He is not even ten yet! Not until three fourths into April will he be ten. I had hopes of him living to a good old age of twenty. Sigh…
Uncle Mike is the second occurrence. He’s down here for a while. My dad left to pick him up from the airport around one. The place was two hours away, so… they did not get back here until five. I took a nap and woke up not too long after his arrival. We ate dinner together around the dining room table – a somewhat rare occurrence. Dad wanted to show him my room, noted to him some of my swords and then asked me to show him my drawings. I conceded to all.
In any case, the weekend has been a blur so far. It is pretty much the same, minus my worry for my cat. Sigh.

(Dec.)
Anyway, Sunday Uncle Mike goes back home. The day will likely be another “usual”. Monday I go to the dentist for that postponed cleaning at 2. Wednesday my mom and I will go get haircuts. Hers begins at 11, mine at 12. Friday my mom and dad will be gone a good amount of the night for a Christmas party thrown by her workplace. I think I see Wynne on the fourteenth.

Other than that, I have little to note. I’m not really into the scheme of making updates as of late. Sigh. Well, it is 12:24 AM now… Yeah. signing off.

Well, my cat returned home yesterday evening. The tests and the stay cost me about three-hundred and something in the teens. He is on a new diet and has two things of medication he needs. He’ll need to go in for a checkup ten days from now.

He seems more distant at the moment and less responsive. I’m sort of afraid of bothering him. Despite that he seems fine overall. I fed him his new food. He likes it. His eating will have to be moderated now. His diet is all wet food from now on I guess. Due to the meds, he eats at 6, 12 and then 6 again. We have to keep dry food from him, so all the other cats in the house have to eat under the same timing.

His kidneys are working better, but all those times we thought he was spraying to enforce his alpha-male status had really been kidney failure. So, he still has issues in that and likely will never have his kidneys work up to their full potential.

I just hope he gets to feeling like his old self again.

Sigh.

Well, Thanksgiving is coming up. We are doing the usual by going to visit my mother’s cousin and aunt. I expect it to go as always. The week after my dad’s brother will be stopping by to visit us. How long, I have no idea. My dad is being a dolt because he intends to have him sleep in the living room. Jeez, Dad… He’s your brother, he’s a grown man, he is in the earlier stages of MS and… well, damn it. He needs a room.

Anyway, then comes December. Some point Mom and I are going for our usual ritual in getting hair cuts by driving about two hours to accomplish the feat. Heh.

On the fifth I believe I’ll have that teeth cleaning. I was supposed to have it sometime last week or perhaps before that. My mom never wrote the appointment down though, so we never remembered it.

I think I was also supposed to see the head-doctor the day after my birthday, but something happened and that was to be moved to some other time.

Anyway, my Christmas present for Mom arrived yesterday. I’d check it out for any possible damage, but then it would require undoing all the tape, and since it did not come in a box… well… that will just be too much trouble.

I still have yet to get E. brother his gift and my sister one as well. I know what I’ll get them; it is just for the sake of timing. After all, I won’t be seeing my eldest brother this Christmas, and what I intend to get my sister is candy since she is a sugar fiend.

My other brother is out of luck. I helped him with that car thing earlier this year. That amounts to about thirteen gifts from me.

As for my dad… my mom and brother had this idea to get him something for his car. I know what it is; I just don’t know what it is called. In any case, it is decided it will be a joint effort between the three of us to get it for him… so, until that happens, I can’t really do anything.

Well… that is all I really have to write. I figured I’d get all this down just for the sake of it. Okay then.

Jeez… Well, My cat went to the vet’s for his teeth cleaning. Now it seems he has kidney problems. I guess it is a good thing the doctor mentioned about doing some tests on him. It is even better that my dad agreed on it despite it would cost an extra forty-something to do.

Most of the stuff my dad just told me has sort of gone over my head. He spoke of tests, something about chemicals and they’ve set my cat on something to flush out his kidneys. In any case, I won’t be seeing my baby all weekend.

I don’t like that.

Sigh…

I don’t know what will happen. I kind of wish Dad just wrote all of it down. I might comprehend it better if I read it, but there were some things the vet spoke about that he did not quite follow either. Oy.

Anyway… just needed to write this down.

E. brother no longer works for Samsung for reasons Mom and Dad do not know. He either applied to Target or got a job there. Other than that, he seems fine.

Dad is depressed. Mom and Other brother are thinking of ways to get him out and about until the job is settled. it is looking uncertain. The people keep putting it off. Mom thinks that it might be because of this being off season for house selling.

Sister… no idea.

Other brother seems fine.

Mom seems fine.

We still have that cat. He is now Smokey by name. His eyes are becoming clearer and have a yellow tint now.

I’m in a fog/slump/whatever thing… hence the lack of entries, writing and action Internet wise. Bleh.

Um… Halloween was good this year. While I was up, there was only one ring of the doorbell. It seems the trick is not to turn on the porch lights here. After all, a lot of people on this street are old and retired. Due to that though… what a waste on candy. I told Dad just to get raisins. I’m sure my parents would easily snack on them. Oh well.

We still have the cat. My brother calls him “Smokey”. His eyes were green, but I believe they are turning yellow. Huh.
I’ve been really… “out of it” or perhaps “plain lazy” as of late. It is almost like I have gone back in time before I had to start school and leave home.
Am I bored? Not really. Tired? Not exactly. Lazy? No idea. Burnt out? I doubt. Lack of inspiration? Perhaps.
I’m just here. I collect useless things. I read. I usually do chores and if that has not occurred it is because I am out like a broken light bulb.
Nothing really comes to mind when it comes to family. My dad is here. My mom works. My brother is usually at work or is sleeping. My sister… I know she is in a different apartment and that is about it. My E. brother… I can only shrug.
All the animals are fine. Fall has finally arrived. In a week Halloween will be here.
What is there to say?

I guess that is all. Upon leaving I will leave… Lyrics:

Artist: Snider Todd
Song: Ballad Of The Kingsmen
Album: East Nashville Skyline

The Kingsmen came together in a garage,
They could hardly even play
But they practiced night
And day pretty soon they got to where they could really play that song Louie,
Louie
So, they saved up all the money from the shows,
Went in to one of them studios and gave their version of the song a try

Now, I don’t know the words to that song Louie,
Louie and I’m pretty sure the singer for the
Kingsmen didn’t know ‘em either,
If he did know ‘em he didn’t get ‘em right on the record
Cause on the record they sound jumbled in his jaw? It says,
Me think of me girl oh so constantly
Ahmayaaah makaaaah aahh ooohoooh aaaaah
Well, that last part scared everybody from the PTA to the FBI
You see, the kids had been going kind of crazy lately
And it seemed like nobody could figure out why,
So they decided to form a coalition,
Launch an investigation, you know for the children, they at least had to try
To figure out the words to Louie, Louie

Chorus
It’s the feel good hit of this endless summer
It gets these kids out of control
Singin along to that star spangled bummer,
Hail, hail rock and roll

Marilyn Manson’s real name isn’t even Marilyn Manson,
He’s a skinny public high school Kid from Florida,
Not some monster from out of this world and like of a lot other skinny long hair public
High school kids he was sick of getting
Beaten up by the pulling guard all week only to go out on the weekend,
And watch the Quarterback get all the girls so,
He formed a band man
Now’ he gets all the girls,
A few years later a couple of latchkey kids go tragically
Mad and everybody’s standing around the television store at the mall trying to figure out what went wrong,
This guy says,
You think the life of a kid going to high school could’ve gotten so bad this other guy says nah,
It’s just the words to one of them goddamn Marilyn Manson songs,
You know the one

Chorus

You know, every ten years or so our country and some other little country,
We start firing all of our newest weapons
At each other for some reason or another, right or wrong,
Like it or not, it happens, and when it happens
People get shot and when people get shot,
They show it on tv a lot every night at six o clock
And you don’t even have to be eighteen to see it you don’t even have to be in first grade,
First grade where they teach the kid pride
They tell him he’ll need to thrive,
In a world where only the strong will survive,
So he’s taught the art of more
To compare to and to keep score Monday thru Friday while
He stares at the floor til’ Sunday they make him go to
School once more only this time they make him wear a suit and a tie
And listen to some guy who claims to know Where people go
When they die tell him that only the meek are gonna inherit the earth Well shit,
By this time the kid doesn’t know what anything
Is worth, now brothers and sisters I am only one guy
And I don’t even know the words to that song Louie,
Louie but I can tell you right now without batting an eye
That the next time some latchkey kid goes wrong
It aint gonna be cause that Eminem gets to say the word Fag in his song
And I’m not trying to preach to ya either,
I’m just trying to sing to ya too, you know string a few words together

Hey kids…
Lets get it on,
Lets get it on

My Response: Hell yeah. Sucks as a song, but the lyrics… hell yeah.

This week has been fine enough. There was nothing great, nothing of utter terror… just… here. Friday went on per usual. Saturday my dad came down. It might have been Sunday did my E. brother come down to eat dinner with us. That night I joyously saw an episode from CSI: LA that I had missed and was informed by my mother to be utterly gruesome. I expected worse. Oh well.

Well, by the end of this month, E. Brother will be heading forChicago. I believe I picked up somewhere that before he goes he’ll stay with us for a while just to make up for the lost time when he is gone I guess.

Monday was a bit of a blur. I was up at eight and helped my dad on moving things from one storage unit across town to a closer and bigger one just a few minutes from us. Around ten I was getting woozy though due to not eating for a while, so my dad dropped me off. I did the chores and by eleven I collapsed on my bed due to a headache. Much to my annoyance I fell asleep for four hours.

At that note, that is how I’ve been sleeping lately. Four hours down, up again, four hours down and up again. Next week or so I’ll probably be sleeping all day or night for a while and then that will change into something else. Ah… my odd brain chemistry.

I think it is all conditioned. Half of my middle school years were spent getting four hours at max every night. Later on there were sleep meds. Farther on when I was out of high school I spent a year able to sleep when my body needed rest. Then there was the change of trying to stay up all day. With so many changes each year or so… No wonder!

Oh yeah, due to my lovely sleeping hours, I saw Shred a few times this week via messenger. I learned two things that deal with the past.

One, the school thought I was crazy. Yeah, I should have known that, but still. It bothered me a bit too. If they all thought I was crazy, why did some poke at the fire? Why egg me on? Were they hoping I’d explode or end up mentally screwed to the point of being in a nuthouse for the rest of my life? Lovely.

Two, all those times I would rant and such to him… I really did not think he got anything out of it. I guess that is why I apologized for pouring my issues out to him. He told me not to act like he did not gain anything from it and informed me what he gained – knowledge that he was not the only person who had so many problems.

I had not really considered that. I was just constantly worrying that I was just wasting his time and telling him stuff repeatedly while he had enough to deal with on his own. Pretty much, I was surprised or something.

Anyway, after I woke up around four, I meandered out to see if my brother was home. If not, I could vacuum. He was home and much to my surprise so was my dad. He usually leaves on Mondays, so I figured he had left without saying goodbye to me. Nope. It seems he would be here until Wednesday.

The day went on and around eight I hit the bed. I awoke around twelve or so. The rest of the night was spent revamping a picture. Late morning my dad went in for a job interview. Odd, no? He is finally retiring and is now looking for a job. Well, one he always needs to do something. After a while he’d get bored I guess. Two, there are still house payments and the like.

The place he applied at is what I assume is a somewhat separate community for the more privileged in this city. The job my dad is going for is selling homes there. He came back, told me it went well and from the looks of it, he already has the job… it just depends if he wants it.

All I can say it, good luck to him. If all goes well, he’ll take some classes for a month or so. Business should be smooth enough for him considering the place is for those who are rich; therefore he’ll be dealing with people who can actually afford the houses they are looking at.

On Wednesday, my dad left back for his apartment for the last time and should be back for good at the beginning of next month. On the third he’ll be going back to talk more about the position.

He’s pretty overwhelmed with all the change. My mom is excited. During the afternoon she came home earlier than usual. She spoke to my brother and me about the job. She and my second brother talked about money. I sort of tuned that out since even when I am listening it is just a bunch of numbers to me.

In any case, my mom hopes the job does suit my dad. She spoke of possibilities of the future based on such a path. Basically it was focused on paying off the credit card debts, then the car payments and hopefully my brothers’ loss of money… stolen, wasted or otherwise.

All that does to me is cause the need to shake my head at the fact that they have to do such for them to begin with. My parents are wonderful though, so I suppose such a situation is to be considered.

Wednesday night to now (11 AM) was spent awake. The day has gone as usual. My mom went to work; I wished her luck on her day. From six to around the time she left I did chores with the addition of dusting and some mopping. I took a break since I was getting tired. I was intending to go to sleep, but I seem to be wired or something. Joy.

Maybe I’ll sleep after I post this and eat something.

I saw Denise in the ungodly hours of Wednesday morning. It was actually quite pleasant. I learned about her and Brooke a bit. Denise seems to be doing better than I thought. It was a relief to find. Her blog is not so offensive either. She is working and will be starting school again in October.

I know little much on Brooke though other than that her baby should be a Sagittarius if he comes on schedule. I learned about a friend they mentioned passing away and how Denise’s living has been. She asked about me some and eventually needed to go to bed.

I have not really seen Kyle much as of late, but that is fine and nothing new. Other people I knew, I know no longer. I go to the board still, but am not very social. Therefore, those that are not of family by name have been accounted for.

As for the immediate family, my sister is having some stress with finances as usual, but seems to be doing relatively well compared to previous times. She likes her internship a lot, but still needs cash. From what I picked up she either is trying, tried or has gotten her old job at a sports bar back. However, by indication of some snippet I heard, I question just how helpful the job will be for her.

My second brother is okay, needs a refill on some sleep meds, but okay. He started the backyard renovation project this weekend. He worked only on Saturday for that I believe. A friend of his pitched in. If the weather if okay, I guess he’ll continue this coming Saturday.

My eldest brother told my father that he was going to move toChicagoby the end of the month. I think everyone feels a slight elevation of hope there. Whether the feeling comes from good or bad reasons, I have no idea. My case was, “Yeay! He’s finally going to stop being a burden to my parents. Hopefully he’ll grow up a bit. Maybe he is finally starting to become a bit more like the adult he should be… I hope he does not suddenly fail and screw my parents over.” Therefore, good luck to him. I hope everything works out.

My mom is doing fine from what I can tell. I’ve been telling her “truths of my past” a bit as of late for reasons I have no clue of. They just seem to spout out of me. Tuesday evening we were out eating at BG’s and she spoke about some regrets she had concerning me. I admitted once upon a time I had been resentful in certain cases, but that was back before I was medicated and was angry all the time… Therefore, I told her something I noticed in regards to what seems to be my true nature since this has been a constant in my life no matter who I’ve known – that was not mean to me anyway.

What I told her was that I seem to naturally be a guilt ridden person. How? In the logical sense I have no reason to feel that way. In fact my mom was rather curious about that. My guilt is more of a fear of being a burden. Kyle knows this well. My mother, I think she understands it now since it was told in clarity. All other hints were just mentions that go along the lines of “I feel bad for asking you and Dad for things” or “I don’t want to bother you.” This time around it was flat out telling with additional explanations in using examples.

Now, I am getting to my dad. He seems to be scared about retiring still. Other than that, everything seems to be the same. He is still an enabler, a worrier and easily takes offense. However, pretty soon he will be down here for good. This will be the last weekend he will have to come here only to turn back to his apartment again. After that, he should be coming back and staying for good.

Um…

Nothing much comes to mind now, other than that earlier in the week I stumbled upon an article on APD while researching something. Auditory Processing Disorder is the full out name. It seems it can go in hand with Aspergers. So, I might have Aspergers, I might have APD… or I might have both at the same time. How lovely.

The following is what pertains to me strongly in regards to APD:

Problems relating what has been said with its meaning, despite obvious recognition that a word has been said, as well as repetition of the word. Separating speech sounds from background noise, pink sound, such as the sound of a radio, television or a noisy bar, it can be difficult to impossible to understand speech, depending on the severity of the auditory processing disorder. Using a telephone can be problematic, due to low quality audio, poor signal, intermittent sounds and the chopping of words can be a problem for someone with Auditory processing disorder to cope with, in comparison with someone with normal auditory processing (hearing). Many who have auditory processing disorder subconsciously develop visual coping strategies, such as lip reading, reading body language, and eye contact, to compensate for their auditory deficit, and these coping strategies are not available when using a telephone.

There was also a list, which made me think, “Bingo.”

Persons with this condition often:

* have trouble paying attention to and remembering information presented orally; cope better with visually acquired information

* have problems carrying out multi-step directions given orally; need to hear only one direction at a time

* appear to have poor listening skills, and need people to speak slowly

* need more time to process information.

It appears to others as a problem with listening. Somebody with APD may be accused of “not listening”.

Some tips for coping and work-arounds were actually things I do in life. With television is said to use closed captioning. I have occasionally complained that I wished the TV shows my mom watches had them. I always watch DVDs with the subtitles on when they are provided because I’ve found it is easier for me to understand what is being said by doing that.

In school I did best with visual guides. I found that out during my high school Biology class. The teacher I had integrated all forms of teaching processes. She had visuals, did orals and had us write notes all in a lesson.

There were other things, but when reading the article, most of it had me going, “Wow… I have those issues.”

So… I might have both Aspergers and APD. I have not slashed out the Aspergers because there are things noted about that not mentioned in APD. If it was merely the lacking in emotional understanding (Alexithymia, maybe?) then I’d drop it and assume it is me being a Schizoid; nevertheless, a characteristic of Aspergers is “repetitive behaviors and restricted interests” There is also the odd sensitivity in the senses like sight, smell, sound and the like…

Sigh… such is my life… Despite all the illnesses I might possibly have popping up constantly is getting ridiculous, it is interesting for me to read about.