Well, Wednesday… the day after my tooth surgery… I got up, ate breakfast… boy that was hard and then I decided to try to do some chores. Well, when putting up one of my mother’s thick pottery bowls up… it slipped. It slipped and landed right on my head…
That bloody hurt… So, the rest of the day I was bedridden.
Eating isn’t as bad as feared, but it is a bit hard. I’d go into it, but I still have a bloody headache. Yes, it is near midnight on a Thursday and my head still hurts from that bowl.
So yeah… I slept most of today only getting some chores done. The sides of my head hurt, the back of my jaw is sore and my gums feel freakishly raw… Thinking is on autopilot for the most part and trying to concentrate is a bitch.
Sigh…
Anyway, I just wanted to post something I wish to remember. It was a response to the board I go to. A girl who is a year older than me asked “How do romantic asexuals separate romance/sex? Especially when our culture conditions us to see romance in the context of a sexual relationship (sexual as in sexual attraction exists, not sexual as in sexual activity)?”
I answered.

I’ve always viewed sex as a short thrill. When relationships start you have that amazing high that has been expressed in metaphors about flying and doing the “impossible”… Eventually that dies down though and there is a gentler yet lasting bond. I kind of view sex as a thing people perform to get that high back when possible. But sex alone cannot sustain a relationship. Sex can even die off when you get older – unless you turn to libido pills. Romance can last if you try though. Romance doesn’t rely on physical means – it can be expressed by the physical, but one can be romantic without it.
I see romance as a sort of acceptance. While sex can liberate the body (or so I assume), romance can liberate the emotions. I can see them as quite similar, but they mainly focus on different areas… thus when you have romance and sex together it could very well be “the closest you can bond with a person emotionally and physically”. The thing is… there are asexuals who would like a bond like that without needing the physical aspects. Personally, I want that connection with another human being, but not by sex. I want the mental and emotional part. Those you have been in love with, can you say you had the same emotional and mental closeness you’ve had with them is the same as with say your friends or your family? Perhaps you have, but I believe there is a difference. A person can be a certain way around certain people in their lives. A person can be similar towards their friends, family and partner… but there is always a slight difference.
Personally, I have felt longing and yearning for a person before. It was not like how one feels when they long to be with their family or long for a friend to remember me when he or she is more focused on something else. It is a longing to be the One. It is a longing to be that one certain special person in another person’s life and for that same person to be the one for you.
Despite that, I never had a sexual thought run across my mind at all. I never thought of how sexy his body was or fantasized us being sexually intimate. I fantasized us being together, happy and loving. The farthest physical intimacy went in my dreams were holding hands, each other, leaning against each other, hugging, cuddling and such… Things like kissing, foreplay, lust, arousal and intercourse never entered my mind.
Think of it when you were little and never knew about sex. There were fairy tales. There would be those little girls who’d dream of being a princess and having a prince and living happily ever after. Would you say they never dreamed of being loved by the One? It might be a bit like that. Some asexuals still consider romance to equate to love between a couple… they kiss, they cuddle, they hug and hold hands… but like the princess movies you see on TV… it never goes as far to the wedding night.
Some don’t think of that stuff. At least, I know I don’t.

Okay… that is it. I am going to lie down and rest my head despite I have been doing this ever since Tuesday afternoon. Man, it is annoying…