Now this… the following is just a semi-humor, semi-serious little ditty. On a board I go to there was a link to a site called “noMarriage.com”. I checked it out and found an “article” that used an article from the mid 1900s. yeah… times were once like that. the rest of the site was all about how men shouldn’t marry… at least not American women. There is a point the site does note that I must agree is true. Men and women are not equal in America.

Anyway, for lark, I wrote my version. Then later on, I wrote a mock version of an independent American woman’s ideal man.  So first off is old times, modern times and last is of my own views.

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The Good Wife’s Guide
From “Housekeeping Monthly”, May 13, 1955.

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about is needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.
• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first -remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his very real need to be at home and relax.
• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

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The Good Husband’s Guide
From “Independent American Women”, September 21 XXXX.

• He has dinner ready. He planned ahead and made sure to make my favorite dishes as well as is attentive to my diet plans even though he assures me that I don’t need to diet.
• He treats me like royalty. He is polite, affectionate, sympathetic, only a listener, entertaining, romantic, sensitive, a flatterer, patient, understanding, loyal… (List continues.)
• Cares about my day once he gets or I get home. He needs to pay attention to what I have to say and truly be interested.
• He must keep up after his clothes, dishes, etc. and not get onto me when I do such.
• If I want the place to be cleaned up, he will happily oblige because I am not a maid.
• He should consider me the center of his world and work hard to make sure I am comfortable because he knows he must show me his love. If not, he is emotionally neglecting me.
• Will be a good father and take care of our children. He must understand I am busy too.
• He must be happy to see me.
• Wants me for me and does not require sex.
• Listen to me. I have a dozen important things to tell him and my thoughts are more important than his… and he better not argue or complain or I’m filing for divorce.
• The evening is mine. He should always be home on time or take me with him. If I don’t want to go, he must stay with me. If he does not, I will complain and accuse him of having an affair or not wanting to be with me.
• His goal: Try to make sure the home a place of peace, order and tranquility where I can renew myself in body and spirit. That, or give me money, shower me with compliments or/and gives me gifts…
• He doesn’t greet me with complaints and problems. He knows I’ll scream right back.
• He understands that if he doesn’t do things my way, he won’t just deal with only getting sex when I feel like it… he’ll get no sex.
• He caters to me. He makes me comfortable, gives me spontaneous massages, makes me laugh, and tells me sweet nothings… (List continues.)
• Runs me bubble baths with scented candles with my favorite scent and gives me a foot massage after a long hard day to make me feel better.
• He doesn’t argue with me. He has no right to question or get onto me.
• A good husband is whipped and treats his wife like a goddess.

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The Good Spouse’s Guide
From “Nyxity’s Head”, January 5, 2008.

• Have dinner planned. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a meal ready, on time for the both of you. If one of you feels that cooking once you arrive home is possible, do so. If not, discuss on where you should order out or prepare from a frozen dinner. Agree.
• You both have just been with a lot of work-weary people. Once you are both home, don’t bother each other for 15 minutes. Just rest in the same room together, get your second wind and enjoy the silence. If necessary freshen up with a nice cold towel on your aching brows.
• Once rested, be pleasant. If not possible, give warning.
• If the house is not spotless, both should do their share. Just clear away the clutter.
• Make sure the floors are safe for each other. Kids are hazards and you both are stuck with them. Look out for each other.
• Over the cooler months of the year, whoever gets home first should adjust the temperature to both your likings. While your spouse may not notice, it will help relax both of you, so there is a plus.
• Prepare the children together. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They need attention even if you are tired. Both of you should try to encourage the children to be quiet without yelling. Just shut them in their rooms if they disobey and place on some headphones with the right music.
• Be happy to see your significant other. Remember, you both have likely had terrible days. You need at least to support each other.
• Greet each other with a warm (if not tired) smile and remember that his/her day was likely hell too.
• Listen to each other. Let the other tell about his or her day and be sympathetic. You may have a dozen important things to tell, but be courteous to him/her as well.
• Make the evening equal. Never complain if he/she comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Just make sure he/she calls. Be sure to do the same courtesy if you are on the other side of the situation.
• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your significant other can renew him/herself in body and spirit. In turn, you will also be making the home perfect for you as well.
• Don’t greet him/her with complaints and problems.
• Don’t complain if he/she’s late home for dinner or even if he/she stays out all night. Just ask for a simple explanation.
• Make each other comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have her lie down in the bedroom when he/she has apparently worse day then you. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him/her.
• Be considerate to his/her likes and needs. Speak in a low soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don’t ask him/her questions about his/her actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, you both are equal and should always exercise your will with fairness and truthfulness. You are trying to get through this life together.
• A good spouse deserves and equally good partner.