I saw Denise in the ungodly hours of Wednesday morning. It was actually quite pleasant. I learned about her and Brooke a bit. Denise seems to be doing better than I thought. It was a relief to find. Her blog is not so offensive either. She is working and will be starting school again in October.

I know little much on Brooke though other than that her baby should be a Sagittarius if he comes on schedule. I learned about a friend they mentioned passing away and how Denise’s living has been. She asked about me some and eventually needed to go to bed.

I have not really seen Kyle much as of late, but that is fine and nothing new. Other people I knew, I know no longer. I go to the board still, but am not very social. Therefore, those that are not of family by name have been accounted for.

As for the immediate family, my sister is having some stress with finances as usual, but seems to be doing relatively well compared to previous times. She likes her internship a lot, but still needs cash. From what I picked up she either is trying, tried or has gotten her old job at a sports bar back. However, by indication of some snippet I heard, I question just how helpful the job will be for her.

My second brother is okay, needs a refill on some sleep meds, but okay. He started the backyard renovation project this weekend. He worked only on Saturday for that I believe. A friend of his pitched in. If the weather if okay, I guess he’ll continue this coming Saturday.

My eldest brother told my father that he was going to move toChicagoby the end of the month. I think everyone feels a slight elevation of hope there. Whether the feeling comes from good or bad reasons, I have no idea. My case was, “Yeay! He’s finally going to stop being a burden to my parents. Hopefully he’ll grow up a bit. Maybe he is finally starting to become a bit more like the adult he should be… I hope he does not suddenly fail and screw my parents over.” Therefore, good luck to him. I hope everything works out.

My mom is doing fine from what I can tell. I’ve been telling her “truths of my past” a bit as of late for reasons I have no clue of. They just seem to spout out of me. Tuesday evening we were out eating at BG’s and she spoke about some regrets she had concerning me. I admitted once upon a time I had been resentful in certain cases, but that was back before I was medicated and was angry all the time… Therefore, I told her something I noticed in regards to what seems to be my true nature since this has been a constant in my life no matter who I’ve known – that was not mean to me anyway.

What I told her was that I seem to naturally be a guilt ridden person. How? In the logical sense I have no reason to feel that way. In fact my mom was rather curious about that. My guilt is more of a fear of being a burden. Kyle knows this well. My mother, I think she understands it now since it was told in clarity. All other hints were just mentions that go along the lines of “I feel bad for asking you and Dad for things” or “I don’t want to bother you.” This time around it was flat out telling with additional explanations in using examples.

Now, I am getting to my dad. He seems to be scared about retiring still. Other than that, everything seems to be the same. He is still an enabler, a worrier and easily takes offense. However, pretty soon he will be down here for good. This will be the last weekend he will have to come here only to turn back to his apartment again. After that, he should be coming back and staying for good.

Um…

Nothing much comes to mind now, other than that earlier in the week I stumbled upon an article on APD while researching something. Auditory Processing Disorder is the full out name. It seems it can go in hand with Aspergers. So, I might have Aspergers, I might have APD… or I might have both at the same time. How lovely.

The following is what pertains to me strongly in regards to APD:

Problems relating what has been said with its meaning, despite obvious recognition that a word has been said, as well as repetition of the word. Separating speech sounds from background noise, pink sound, such as the sound of a radio, television or a noisy bar, it can be difficult to impossible to understand speech, depending on the severity of the auditory processing disorder. Using a telephone can be problematic, due to low quality audio, poor signal, intermittent sounds and the chopping of words can be a problem for someone with Auditory processing disorder to cope with, in comparison with someone with normal auditory processing (hearing). Many who have auditory processing disorder subconsciously develop visual coping strategies, such as lip reading, reading body language, and eye contact, to compensate for their auditory deficit, and these coping strategies are not available when using a telephone.

There was also a list, which made me think, “Bingo.”

Persons with this condition often:

* have trouble paying attention to and remembering information presented orally; cope better with visually acquired information

* have problems carrying out multi-step directions given orally; need to hear only one direction at a time

* appear to have poor listening skills, and need people to speak slowly

* need more time to process information.

It appears to others as a problem with listening. Somebody with APD may be accused of “not listening”.

Some tips for coping and work-arounds were actually things I do in life. With television is said to use closed captioning. I have occasionally complained that I wished the TV shows my mom watches had them. I always watch DVDs with the subtitles on when they are provided because I’ve found it is easier for me to understand what is being said by doing that.

In school I did best with visual guides. I found that out during my high school Biology class. The teacher I had integrated all forms of teaching processes. She had visuals, did orals and had us write notes all in a lesson.

There were other things, but when reading the article, most of it had me going, “Wow… I have those issues.”

So… I might have both Aspergers and APD. I have not slashed out the Aspergers because there are things noted about that not mentioned in APD. If it was merely the lacking in emotional understanding (Alexithymia, maybe?) then I’d drop it and assume it is me being a Schizoid; nevertheless, a characteristic of Aspergers is “repetitive behaviors and restricted interests” There is also the odd sensitivity in the senses like sight, smell, sound and the like…

Sigh… such is my life… Despite all the illnesses I might possibly have popping up constantly is getting ridiculous, it is interesting for me to read about.