I might be using the wrong word though. Perhaps moralistic? Oh well. How does this come about? My siblings. Nothing new. Boy, I am doing fragmented sentences!

In any case, it is mainly my eldest brother that has me in a rant right now. What did he do this time? Eh, he’s senseless and oblivious as ever. The difference now though is my dad.

As noted in my last entry, my e-brother’s birthday is coming up. As noted in other rants, he is twenty-six now. While it is just recently he has gotten in the job field that does not make up five percent of what he needs to correct in his life.

He still does not always pay his rent, he relies on my parents to bail him out financially, he ruined the house he lives in for less than renting an apartment, he’s made my sister’s life unbearable due to that, he ruined the kitchen’s garbage disposal, wasted about six or more years’ worth of money for college and then drops out when he only needed to finish one semester’s worth of work, and only my parents and god knows what else…

Now he is just a week away from being twenty-seven and while my dad has had to put off his retirement for over a year because of my siblings’ damn car payments, he nudges that he wants an iPod for his damn birthday. What the fuck? Does he have no gratitude whatsoever? Damn!

The annoying thing is, my father, after hearing that, calls my mom and says he knows of an iPod that is around $170 or something. He says they can get it if they split the cost between them. Dad! No! He does not deserve one. He is twenty-seven and is still asking for some damn birthday gifts from his parents?! Parents who are senior citizens? What the bloody fuck!

Happily my mom has sense in the matter. She does not want to pitch in and give my elder brother the damn materialistic, unnecessary iPod. Sadly, if she does not pitch in half, my father will get mad/upset and make it into a huge matter. He really needs to work on that.

My father, as my mom notes, is the typical child of an alcoholic. He tries so damn hard to make everyone happy in order to be happy himself. I say it kills him. He is so stressed all the time.

Still, if anything, I am annoyed with my siblings. I know it is likely brought on by the fact my father is so giving… but they have no sense to be freakishly grateful for our parents. Sure, Mom and Dad have screwed up here and there, but all parents do. Despite that, we are all damn lucky for ours.

Nevertheless, the eldest still acts like a dependant child. He has no life skills. He can’t handle money; take care of a house and all that jazz. He’ll likely need someone to take care of him for the rest of his life. My mom often wonders what she did wrong in raising him… I don’t think it is all in how he was raised. Other than my mental cases and school, I think I turned out peachy. Despite all my parents have done for him, he only asks for more.

My other brother is better. I don’t know how much he appreciates Mom and Dad, but he works. He no longer steals money or is deep into drugs like he once was. Despite that, he does poorly in handling money most of the time as well. Until he gets that straightened, I’d say that is his only fault. He’s helpful, works hard, and is still here to help on rent for my father’s sake despite he wishes to leave. That and my brother likely cannot get on his feet until he saves up a decent amount of money…

As for my sister… well… She’s worked hard in college and finished. When she intends, she usually does. I’ll give her that. Despite that, she usually expects the world to owe her a living. I think she, and my brothers, owe my parents a living. She bitches to my parents about how they don’t support her and wasted all their money on my brothers.

They support her, half heartedly, but they have never told her she could not do something. She used to complain about my mother not supporting her in gymnastics because she did not go to every singe meet she participated in. God! All her damn meets were out of town and my mom worked as a teacher! No consideration.

As for money… Well, they cannot help that my brother stole tons of money from them. All of us tried to keep a look out. We just couldn’t catch him in the act. As for my eldest… well, that was a mistake on my parents. Despite that, it had been hopeful. They hoped he’d get his act together. Therefore, every time he was willing to try college again, they helped. My mom still looks back and regrets not cutting that deal off after his first flunk.

The righteous thing is, “Well, take a look at yourself. You certainly can’t be a saint.” I think, yeah, I know for sure I am not. How? Perfection does not exist in reality. However, I’ve asked my parents for my faults and at least with my mother, I know I’ll get a straight answer.

My fault? The suicide attempt. The thing is that is in a considerably different par than the things I’ve listed for my siblings. That and I learned from my mistake. I learned that for some reason I actually did matter to people, at least I do to my parents. So, for their sakes, I promised silently to never do such a thing again.

Other than that, nothing comes to their minds. I never ask for things and when I do I usually feel bad for it because of their financial issues. To much fortune, I can support myself, so they do not have to pay for me in anything, but at times do when one of them takes all of us out to eat for dinner. Then again, I think that is more of a “My treat.” I guess it is not a “have to” then.

Sigh… I’m thinking on talking with my dad this weekend. I doubt it will change his mind on getting my brother that stupid iPod, but, I think it needs to be said.