My brain crashed… I think. It is my fault. I pushed it for twenty four hours and would not stop even when four hours before I quit my body was even feeling very ill… but now… I am paying. All of this was when the weekend was nearing.
On Saturday I was out all day long. My father came down that afternoon with my fevered sister in tow. Um… I woke up around three in the morning on Sunday and stayed up for some hours but was pretty out of it. When three came around I had to lie down because my head was bothering me still. I questioned if it was a headache. Around six my father comes in to inform me of dinner. I ate, but hit the bed again after. I woke up around four this morning and took a shower. My head still is not feeling right. My body was not feeling right, but that is easing up. It is my head.
I came to the conclusion that I am suffering from after effects of working it too hard. The reason I had not slept for a day was because I was, and still am in, one of my obsessed modes. I was working on a website nonstop. My brain was busy remembering, html crunching and all sorts of things for hours and did I ease up on it? No.
Even when it was nearing my crash, I still forced myself to stay up when I felt like I was going to be really sick… which worked because the sick feeling eventually numbed. I kept hoping for a second wind… It never came… so I finally gave in.
Now… I cannot concentrate. I cannot even really focus on this and am writing at the tip of my fingers rather than the top of my head, I think. Jeez, though… I still have stuff to do, but I rationalize that if I do it in this state, nothing will be in the true state I intend for it to be in… so… I am stuck.
I could sleep, since my brain is not helping me much anyway, but that is annoying. I could stay up, but what I read will not be truly processed, my words will not be certain and all sorts of other things will be tainted with the possibility of being wrong… and certain things I do during the day just cannot have that. It is okay in this journal, but everything else… no.
Sigh.
I want my head back to normal so I can resume! Sobs…