Later last night Mom broke down. She cried and even sobbed. She sat down on the kitchen floor and rested her back against the cabinets. I sat down with her and held her in silence. She asked me if I knew what it was like to feel as though one’s soul had died. I simply replied yes and thought of how this was very similar to the time when I thought of suicide that first night while still in middle school. It was later in the night and we had sat in front of a fridge in a different house… but it was the same. We had switched places though.
My brother of course never came back home last night. My dad kept calling him during my mom’s crying. Mom didn’t want him home at all. I figured my dad simply felt helpless and could only think to do that. He needed to feel like he was doing something.
Mom calmed down some, we numbly watched TV and she eventually went to bed. My dad tried to sleep, but ended up staying up all night. I was up most of the night but went to bed at two – one if the clock was set back by then.
I got up again at eight. I encountered Dad who had blood shot eyes and he had a wavering voice – about to cry if not already. I later saw my mom. She can’t stop crying.
In all simplicity, I merely think my brother should be castrated and kicked out of the house soon after. Even if he is innocent, I think it would make up for all his past offenses anyway.

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Many Hours Later:
Dad tells me Mom texted my brother. He finally admitted he stole her things and admitted that he’s on drugs again. He says once he gets paid this coming Thursday he’ll get her stuff back. Even if he does manage to get her things back, I think he should never come back after.

—————
Hours Later:
Sigh… Mom got into contact with my brother, as noted. My dad and I got his clothing, dental care, hair styling stuff and such together. My mom drove out to meet him and give him such things. She came back. My brother relapsed two years ago. Sigh…
Tonight he is struggling greatly with withdrawal, so my mom is now going to meet him at the hospital to get some treatment until he can meet up with his doctor about this.

I just don’t care about him. I know my parents do since he is their son and all that. I’m just numb really. Perhaps it is a defense mechanism or maybe it is the possible autism/whatever. It seems my brother is aware of his sickness and how it is affecting the family. He apparently believes he should stay out of the house and away from us in order not to do harm – steal. At least he is aware. Sigh.
In truth my “feelings” that were briefly shown through my previous notes of the recent happenings were written without the fuel of feelings. It was all rather detached. Usually I’d bee driven, angry, frustrated, et cetera. I’m just tired now.
All through this I was numb, tired, and other similar descriptive words. I just want him away from my parents. I could stop and take a good look at him and try to find the good, but I’m too tired and uncaring to. I’m too tired to even think much on what I want him to do. I just know I want this to stop. That is all. Just let it stop.