I might go back to my usual ways of simple entries. Anyway, I just felt like noting this… My mother told me some point this week that I had the sensitivity of a cat. That made me smile. She told me how cats are easily affected by their surroundings and the like. I seem to be the same way. Now that my eldest brother and sister left, I suddenly went to sleeping more. Supposedly, it was built up stress. My inability to sleep at night goes tenfold when the rest of the family is here. I usually get less sleep really.
There were other tidbits I had noticed about how I am affected by more people being around. I noticed I forget to breathe at times. Shallow breathing is something I have done most of my life if not all. I noted to my mother that perhaps that helped cause my poor memory. Lack of oxygen kills brain cells, you know. She actually agreed. Then she spoke of my birth and such… how it plays a large deal in my mental oddities… or something like that. I cannot recollect too clearly.
I also eat less when others are here, I think. It is made up for with the junk food though. Ah, the influence of others. When my eldest brother is here, we get potato chips and some other stuff. Well, I eat it. Oops. Bad me.
Anyway, I am not really in the mood to write more. Toodles.

I cannot necessarily remember Christmas Eve day. Well, I did work on that picture and more or less abused my left arm, wrist and hand terribly. I took breaks in between, but for the most part, I remember little else. I worked on it deep into the night and forgot all other things I would do by midnight. I finally finished the drawing around six in the morning.

I went to sleep then, on Christmas day, and woke again around nine, I believe… perhaps somewhere around eight… I sat in the living room, willing myself to keep awake. When it was near ten or eleven, my sister finally woke up completing all who were needed. We opened gifts one by one.

I received the things I had expected and was quite pleased. My brother spoke during the month of getting me a gift. When it came to the last present, he showed a rather large box. I automatically guessed it was a sword. Despite my abilities to predict, I still was utterly pleased and expressed it greatly with loud whooping sounds.

In the end, I retreated to my room and worked on trying to stuff in the new things, thus having to rearrange much in order to fit them in. The gift was indeed of blade… it was a rack with three samurai swords. I took a picture after I had it all set up.

After that, I took to reading my new books or piddled. I really do not know. Soon enough though we had to take showers and then went to eat Christmas lunch/dinner. It was a decent event. We went out to eat for once. I seem to go prim and proper whenever we eat out. I do not know why. Perhaps it is due to nervousness. I tend to work that way. It is interesting to say the least.

We returned home later then… perhaps that was when I took my nap. Yes, that likely was when. I finished a book I had to put down to go eat and then took a nap. I awoke sometime later… I think nine.

The rest of the night I cannot quite recall, but I did start reading a book I had been curious about ever since I saw the 2004 Phantom of the Opera movie. It is likely a “Phantom Bible” for fans of the story. “Phantom” by Susan Kay, it was. I found it more engaging than the original novel, sad to say. I suppose it was because it was because of the first person perspectives and humor given to Erik. I read hours straight until it reached around three in the morning. I had only about a hundred pages left out of that 450-something paged book, but company was to come over around eleven, so I needed to rest some. I awoke around ten after not falling asleep until around four or five. I took a shower and then spent the rest of the time for the guests to arrive.

My mother’s cousin and daughter, along with her aunt and uncle came to visit and eat lunch with us. I was my usual self – pretty much, I kept to myself. When it came to eat, I was the first to fill my plate and sat outside where I was designated to. I never eat much during the holidays. I suppose I am too accustomed to TV dinners to care much about other foods. I ate in my usual silence. My two brothers and father eventually joined me as I ate and let my bare feet freeze. When I was done, I lingered briefly, but soon entered the house once more and did my usual disappearing act.

I did not keep out of sight too long. I have to decency to stay in sight when family is around. I took up my book and set to work on reading the rest of it. When people were finishing their meals, some wandered to the living room where I read. The TV I could handle. It was when people started to rock the chair, tug on my hair and bother me did I start to become perturbed. The last stray was when my brother wound up the music box that plays silent night.

I covered my ears and started to read aloud so I could hear only my voice. Sadly, reading like that causes me not to be able to absorb what I read very well. I swore a couple of times before and received reprimanding looks from my brother. I did not care. I hoped people would get the point that when I am concentrating on something I will become volatile when disturbed.

When the music box started to slowly tune down, I was about to relax and resume reading how I was earlier until my eldest brother did it again. I swore loudly, picked up my book and damned being around everyone. I retreated to my room and managed to be content ever since. I can stand only so much.

I finally finished the book around three or three thirty, I believe. After that, I got onto my computer and worked on what I had neglected the night before. When I finally peeked out of my room, the guests were gone. I had not expected them to leave and not have someone tell me of it to bid them farewell. I guess it is my fault. I mean I was the one who disappeared when things became too oppressing to me.

Nevertheless, despite the rudeness of leaving while guests were here, I still consider the decency to see them when they leave. I would have well stayed in the room if I had not been driven to a mood that would be quite disagreeable. Part of me wonders if I am merely writing these thoughts out to keep myself from becoming self-loathing. I find myself hard to comprehend as much as I do almost everything else.

Anyway, other than that, I have had a decent holiday. I have concluded, however, that whenever I read normal, hold-in-my-hands books, I tend to pull my hair out with veraciousness. At the crown of my head, from the length and width of my pointer finger it is without hair. My mom says when people who concentrate hard, some tend to fool with their hair. Apparently, I go beyond that and my Trichotillomania kicks in with full force. Oh well. I guess if I ever go out, I will need to wear a hat or pull my hair back.

I guess I should post this. If I wait until the end of the week, this will be ridiculously longer than my usual entries.

~ The Balding Duck…

Friday night was spent with Neko. She is a doll. I love her. Well, I fooled around on DA and she was doing her own thing, but we chatted. Eventually we both hit the bed near three my time, if I am not mistaken. We both were to have busy days.

Well, I woke up sometime later, my mother giving me my medication. I stayed up for once since she needed my help at taking all the animals to the vet. The dog annoyed me terribly, but other than that, it was fine. We returned home and unloaded them. I took a shower as my mother made a list of things we needed.

We stopped by Gibson’s to get some things, I being the one finding the most crucial, since I oddly have a knack for finding things. We then left for Walgreen’s to look for wrapping paper, boxes and tissue. When that was done, we stopped by a pet store to look for pet repellant since my mother’s dog is a real pain in the spine.

Soon after we headed for HEB to get drinks, sandwich meat, cheese, chips and sodas for my brother and a few other tidbits. My mother needed one other thing – a thermos. Well, we stopped by Gibson’s again for that. I wandered about like a mad person and found the section for her. When that was through, we went home and unpacked.

The rest of the time was spent cleaning and the like. I was considerably tired in some form or fashion beyond my knowledge. How I knew though was because I was talking a lot, had dizzy spells and was rather loopy. When things calmed down, I retreated to my room and uploaded for things on DA. By then, it was around six. Boy does time fly.

Sunday was spent just like any other day. I cleaned a lot and then did whatever. Monday was pretty much the same. Tuesday is a blur, other than that my mother had me go out to eat with her. We had Chinese. During dinner, she told me about a woman she encountered who admitted to something similar to how I am. My mother thinks she is bi-polar as well, but the thing is… she admitted she did not feel she identified with either gender. Simply put, a smile graced my lips and it put me in a lighter mood.

Then we did some shopping; she needed a telephone cord and a lot of water for an air humidifier she got. Therefore, after we ate, we went to Wal-Mart and got the cord as well as 10 big containers of water. We left and forgot where my mother parked. We just walked and we came upon the car soon enough. We then went home.

Wednesday was spent mainly sleeping because I stayed up all night and did not go to sleep until around five AM. I worked a bit on a drawing I started perhaps the day before. I did my chores. It was a rather simple day. To my delight, Neko showed up. Neither had been on for a while.

Thursday was very similar to Wednesday. I am still working on that drawing and am starting to regret it; therefore, pretty much everything is going as it is supposed to. I am also picking up a project I started a while ago, but put a stop to since it depended on someone else. It is another form of me editing things, really. I suppose it is my OCD.

Clark sent me a birthday card, which was silly since it arrived on my brother’s birthday. She told me what was going on for her and the like. It was nice. I automatically wrote something back, but do not quite know what I will do to send it…

I had the fortune of seeing CP this time around. She had to leave earlier than usual, though. Partially it was due to a busy day awaiting her and then there was the issue of being tired. I bit her good night and worked a bit more on the picture before going to bed as well.

I awoke late morning, nearing noon. I did my chores and am now eating. My father, sister and eldest brother will be arriving today. I suppose that is all I shall write for now.

~ Uh… yeah…

Saturday was spent in San Marcus or somewhere near there. It was a shopping trip for my mother. For one, she needed shoes. In addition, she has work parties and such going on. Secret Santa or something similar to that seems to be a theme as well as the usual “get you co-workers gifts” thing. My mother found the endeavor not as fruitful as she would have wished and struck out many times. She did get one gift for someone, though as well as a cup with a cardinal on it for a souvenir. She loves cardinals. I spotted a music box that I took a fancy to. My mother automatically figured she would get it for me as an early birthday gift much to my surprise. I likely should have argued. Oh well. I admit, I did like it enough to get it, but I had already requested what I wished for to my father, which was a request for a few books. My brother and I got shirts and other than that, I do not think we got anything else.

When finished we were all hungry or thirsty. We stopped at the Outback Steakhouse. It was my first time to go there. I was rather leery, as usual since I have a very finicky stomach. It went well enough though. All of us found our food to be exceptional. I did not finish my meal, but I blame that one the three classes of Sprite, the bread and the appetizer my brother ordered. When done we headed for home and did not return until somewhere in the hour of eight.

To my amusement, my brother found a package in the mail. Neither my mother or he knew what it was. He began opening it when I entered. Apparently, the package was a book I requested for. My birthday was ten days away. My brother tried to hide it from my view, but I already knew what book it was. Now he is hiding it from me somewhere. It does not matter. I am not one to snoop.

I hit the bed at nine and woke again somewhere from eleven to one. I cannot recall. To my surprise, I found my mother awake when I meandered into the kitchen later on. I do know I missed Eileen. She made an appearance whilst I was still out and about an hour or so away from home. I never saw her that night. I stayed up until somewhere between four to seven. I cannot remember.

My mother gave me my medicine at some point, probably nine, and admitted her terrible sleep the night before. Her problems were aching legs and such. That surprised me. She works out. I only do crunches. I thought I would be the one with the sore muscles or the like. I must be in better shape than I thought.

I remained awake for a while. I took a shower, read and did the minimum chores since it was the weekend. I took a nap again, since my sleeping is erratic as such. I awoke again around two to three. We went off to a town full of shops. My mother decided to try there since the previous day was a disappointment for her.

We neared there around four, but that was the closing time for most of them. My mother thought we went for nothing, but we stuck around. She found two shops that worked to her favor. She also let me get three children books from my childhood. She claimed they would be another birthday gift. I argued that even if it were not the holidays she would likely have let me have them anyway.

Much to her delight, she bought the gifts for her fellow workers in two stops. When that was concluded we went home. During it, my mother called my sister. From the sound of it, their conversation was rather pleasant, which pleased me. When it ended, my mother even used the word pleasant much to my amusement. We got back around five and went into our usual routines. I cleaned up some, my brother ran two errands for my mother and she did whatever she does.

Monday was average really, so there is not much to say there other than that poor CP was likely exhausted. The girls are in their last week of this semester, and by god do I remember how that was. They are taking a full course. I would croak over that. I wish them luck on their exam scores and hope they make it through this holiday. It is a sad time for them.

Tuesday morning I had a run in with three spiders in less than five minutes. I let two of them live. They are small and likely harmless. The reason one did not make it is that it was in the sink. If it is in an inconvenient place, that is what happens. Other than that, I suppose the day went on as usual. I did post something on the WP, just a note in regards to clarifications.

Then I later wrote a scene for the “never-ending story”. My character is not just my creation, but is my obsession it seems. I admitted that to Erin Tuesday night. I also admitted to her, it surprised me she and her sister could still be entertained by my constant talk about it as though the characters were real. To my – is it relief? Happiness? Something? Whatever it is, she responded that the characters have become something she knows like how she does me. She said it surprised her as well, how she took to them. It relieves me to know I am not becoming annoying in such aspects. As said, it is something of an obsession.

Those I have become close friends with would know. This started far back when I was little. I have a thing for delving. I did it first with things like mythology and symbolism. Eventually that no longer held enough interest and then I moved to my friends. I had to know all that I could. In the end, I realized such is not possible to the extent I yearned for. I could never truly learn all I wanted. I then moved to myself, but ended with the same conclusion… perhaps worse, since I really do not understand things easily. I still do question such things, and usually require aid of others. Kyle or my mother could certainly acknowledge that due to my questioning them whenever a thought comes up and leaves me curious.

Now with the story, my characters have become the prime subjects for my analyzing. I enjoy it immensely. Through the few stories I have written, I found most pleasure in the characters I have royally screwed over. I do not think it is necessarily a sadistic means. I doubt I would ever be that way. The reason would be that it makes things even more complex. The more I understand about humans – as odd as that may sound – the more I add onto the story.

The main character is perhaps freakishly complex and if I ever end the story, which seems unlikely until I downright die, she would perhaps be almost as real as a human as so much text will allow. The second main character is not as complex, but grows noticeably from what I am told. There are others, but they are of lesser complexities, and I am aware of that. Maybe over time, they will reach “higher levels”…

Wednesday was Wednesday. I did my chores, it was cold out, I did more chores, and it was still cold out. I read as usual and at some point, maybe late afternoon did I start drawing. Most of the day was penning, inking, scanning and then coloring on the computer. I did two pictures. The first was nothing of importance, just something that would not get out of my head. The second one was one of those “spur of the moment” things, which are the ones I love most. It took many hours. It was worth it. The time in between, my mother came home early, I did more chores, and around six or something, pizza was ordered. Good times.

I had cheesecake tonight! It was cool! Well, actually I said delightedly, “This is neat!” I revel in my oddness. I have never had cheesecake until tonight. I am sure I would have remembered cheesecake before if I had. I declared it my favorite dessert, to my mother’s amusement since I am not one for desserts anyway. I do not tend to get desserts after meals even.

Why tonight? Well, we had nothing to eat at home – well my mom did not, I still had a few things going sparse fast. We tried out a small Italian restaurant. I found it nice. The place was small, relatively quiet… I think it could house at most forty people. She had her infamous eggplant Parmesan as usual and I tried the ravioli. She said it was the best she ever had and I found my meal pleasant enough. I also found the small dinner outing “fun”.

Other than the dinner, today went as it usually does, really. I woke up early. Sadly, I had left CP earlier than usual because of that. I woke to find her farewell to me blinking on the computer. Poor thing.

Well, after getting up I did my chores, talked to my mother some, she left, I piddled. Major chore was hand cleaning the kitchen floor. I use bleach. I am insane. This is because I have very sensitive eyes, and if I am near it too long, my eyes become red and greatly irritated. I took a shower to wash away the fumes, and then read. The rest of the day went as usual.

Tomorrow my dad will be coming down and will be here around noon. He intends us to go to the grocery store as soon as he is here. Later on, around six he and my mother will be going to her work’s Christmas party. He will stay down here until Sunday.

I guess that is all.

~I am cold…