I read an entry in Kyle’s journal. Psychology in regards of control was the main topic. The example was rape. The topic always was something of intrigue I suppose. Oddly, thoughts he wrote were something I had considered a long time ago. It is quite logical.

Still though, for a person such as I, there is symbolism, sentimentality and all of that lovey-dovey nonsense. Amusing when I think on it along with the story I have mentioned from time to time in this journal. Power and weakness, dominance and submission tend to be a theme throughout. Sometimes it seems that it connects with my past, but then that is just me needed to make silly connections for the fun of it.

Power. The word causes me to think of manipulation. The other night it was mentioned in a conversation. Before it ended though, enough was said to make me quiet. Humans are strange creatures.

Defense mechanisms and how they give people power… it is rather sad I think. I know my key word of power and defense. It is vagueness. My friend’s is manipulation. I suppose it is saddening on both accounts. The thought of having someone I care about manipulating me without my even realizing is considerably depressing. It causes me to think of my girls actually. Small world, I suppose.

When I ponder on it even more, I suppose I am just as bad. Though vagueness is not really manipulating, it is still a fault. You only let the person see the cover and not the book. Perhaps that is something similar to manipulation. That is depressing.

I suppose the lighter end though is that I have people I do not do that with. With Kyle, if I ever was vague I likely never realized. It was later some of it was on purpose – shields and the like. I think I used to be very open with my mother. I probably still am. I am not certain if I am vague with her now. I do not think I am. Then there are Eileen and Erin. I am open with them much like how I was with Kyle. The four people stated relatively only receive vagueness when it is something unimportant like when I have an odd thought that is irrelevant.

What more on this topic is… it is a pity humans cannot be like it is with animals. Animals are truthful. You can easily talk to a pet. You can tell when the animal is leery, happy, wanting attention, wanting to be left alone… Ha… I suppose that is why it is so easy to be easy going with my pet. I can easily say I love him. There is no fear of judgment. I think I feel almost exactly that way with Eileen and Erin as well, truthfully. Soul siblings. Heh.

Neither was on tonight, which saddened me. Instead, I was in the chat. I did not stay long though. Owen, a video game freak, and I did not mesh well tonight. He irked me and after such a long time of simple emotions, I became utterly irritable and annoyed with him. Adrenaline surged and stomach acid built up. I made myself sick over him. Either he was enjoying egging me on, or he was utterly oblivious and stupid. I fear it was likely the latter; therefore, I cannot give much fault. I really wished one of the girls were there though. It would have been of comfort.

Well, I think I should go to bed despite I lack the feeling of tiredness. For any other news, I will see the psychiatrist on the seventh. I hope it goes well.

~The Vampire Owl. (Whoot.)