Well, today was productive. Sigh. I woke up this morning after getting three hours in. I think I went to bed around one and woke again around four. I did my chores, took out the trash and checked in on my mom when I noticed she was not up already. I was in good moods. I was chattering away for no reason at all.

I told her I was starting to feel a bit better about the idea of trying to get a job. I guess that is the good thing about CP, Neko and I… we seem to really motivate each other to grow a bit more independent and the like so that we will be able to meet. During the night I was thinking about if this endeavor does become successful, then I would be able to see how well I can do handling a job.

If it works out, the benefits would solve the health insurance case. If I cannot perform due to my bipolar drawbacks, then it would lead to possible aid for that. If I am turned down before even getting a foot in, then I will have to try again to get a job elsewhere. Here is hoping though. It would really help to, with how financial complications are as well as the gas prices.

Anyway, I carried out my morning as usual, did the rest of my chores and eventually laid down to take a nap since I would be seeing the doctor at three. I awoke again at twelve and piddled, more or less. Around one or two I helped my brother decide on where to put garden statues and a birdbath he had hauled down here from our old home. My mother is a gardening fiend.

When I realized the time, I went back in and changed into clothes that I considered uncomfortable. Sigh, dressing for the outside world. Such silliness it is. I admit though, I did look good. I actually spent time to dry my hair with a blow dryer. Oh, lord!

My mom came home and we went off for the appointment. We waited for a while and during that time I listened in a bit about Hurricane Katrina. Eventually we went in, I was weighed, I then had my blood pressure taken and then we waited some more.

The doctor was nice. He asked questions, I was uptight, proper and quiet like I usually am in “unfamiliar” situations. He checked my breathing, heart, and reflexes… all that good stuff. We talked more and finally I was able to leave… to have blood drawn out for blood testing.

My mom got the prescriptions and then we went over to the laboratory center. We waited and then had to wait longer with a woman who direly needed glasses and seemed to be new at her position. It irked my mother apparently. Finally, we are able to go and I got my blood drawn, as did my mother.

I mentioned, like I always do when my blood is taken, that I wished to know my blood type at some point in my life. My mom always finds it poppycock. Well, a man in there made me smile vaguely when he started spouting out the importance of knowing your blood type especially in emergencies. It made me just dandy with how he went on about it.

Anyway, after that we leave to find my mother lost her keys. Much to her or our fortune they were not stolen. She left them where we sat down to wait the first time. She is hopeless sometimes.

We left to head for home and she hoped to stop by City Hall so we could pick up an application about the position. We did not find it, as she had passed too soon or the like. It did not make her happy, but as things go, it turned out for the better. She decided to call to ask when they closed and found that we could simply print an application from online.

My brother was hungry and my mother was thirsty as was I. We decided to go out for food. None of us really agreed until we decided on IHOP. I had never been there before, but as usual, I am game. Besides, if it has pancakes in the name, it had to be something I would like.

We got there, waited a bit, sat down and ordered. I got pancakes. Joy. It had been such a long time since I had some. I was “all smiles”. Too bad I could only eat two. My mother had an omelette and pancakes and my brother had chicken strips. We talked and had a good time. After that, we parted ways.

The next thing to do was go to Walgreen’s to get the med prescriptions. As I waited, I did the usual. I wandered about the store. I stumbled on a section with really cheep things. In there, I saw small beanie animals and ended up grabbing three. My mom saw and found something she fell in love with as well. When the meds were ready, we grabbed them and headed for the grocery store.

We spent forever in there it seems. We got the usual things, minus perishables. My mother’s need for candles took up some time. What really took up time though was trying to find matches. Happily, I found where the charcoal was and we grabbed a big package and hightailed for the checkout lanes.

When we got home, I unpacked and put up. My mother was looking into the application on the city website. After getting into some comfortable clothes, thank god, she called me to fill out the application she printed out. We worked on that and now I am finally sitting down to get a breather. Yay.

Here is hoping. It would be good if I get the job, but I have many things against me from what I would believe. I am rather young – pretty much the age of a person just starting his or her first semester in college – and I have no working experience. What I do have on my side though is the time for a fulltime job and the experience of being an aide and a volunteer for a high school library.

Sigh.

It would be a good thing. Just through this I have come to decide that as long as I know my abilities, then I will have a better idea of what sort of foundation, if any, I have to work with to hopefully survive in his world.

Oh well.

After tomorrow, I am going two hours northeast to see my brother and father. On Saturday, I will finally get a freaking haircut after all this time, and I might get some pants in case I get an interview or such. All I have are pants that are, at newest, two years old.

I feel tired a bit. If CP or Neko get on tonight, I hope it is soon.

~The Tired Vampire Sheep

It seems the library is looking for an assistant. My mother told me this tonight while we were grabbing a bite at Wendy’s. Half of the meal was her talking on the phone and me being amused by it. The news shocked me and by now, I have gotten somewhat alienated even from libraries, or so I assume with how I reacted to the one here. Then again, I never really had been in public libraries. I have only been to school ones.

I am willing to give it a go. I am scared to death, per usual, at the aspect of working somewhere. I am uncertain about if I will be able to do a capable job. Sigh. Well, as I always have been, I am willing to try. Heck, I have not even gone to ask about it yet and I am already fretting.

To anyone else, the library would seem probably small or normal. To me, it is huge. I am afraid I would be lost in it for quite a while. It is a very nice one though and as you would expect, it is quiet.

When we check into it, I will have to get into the only nice pair of clothes I own. Yes, I only have one pair. If the endeavor turns out successful then I will have to go shopping for sure. I never had to worry about that for the longest of time since as known, I have been hiding inside the house for an extended period now.

Along with that, it will clash with my working schedule in regards to keeping the house moderately nice. Even more, there is the case of my utterly sporadic sleeping. Monday morning I hit the bed at seven or eight and did not wake up again until seven this morning. Why it happened, I have no idea. I must have needed it though, because my head was not affected like one’s head usually is after so much sleep. I felt just dandy in truth.

Other than that, as mentioned in the last entry, I will be going to see the doctor tomorrow, around two, and likely, after that I will check in about the library opening. Then on Friday off to my brother’s we go.

Sigh.

Here is hoping.

Oh, and for squealing purposes, Kyle has a crush! I cackle. Oh for the wish of a hidden camera!

~The Vampire Sheep

My girls made it back from Baltimore much to my relief. I was afraid of things happening… like the plane crashing or something terrible like it. They got on later than planned, but it was better than never. In addition, this week they started their second semester of college. Poor girls… They are taking a full load. Gah! I want to hug them, and snug them and pet their plant named George! I need to ask how he is doing by the way…

Sigh… This week is a blur more or less. Sed came about last Friday and was annoying. I did my usual routine, or lack thereof. Along with that, I seem to have picked up a short-term hobby of making gifs. I have been doing them of my fictional characters and the girls seem to like them, therefore there is great joy. Another tidbit is that I wrote a short story yesterday and they seemed to enjoy it as well. Yay!

Kyle has lifted off from Suckersville and now is residing in a nest of his own. He seems to be doing fine and the more I notice those “around me” the more I realize I am utterly screwed when it comes to going out into the world and “making it”. I would care more if I were back a year ago maybe, but now I am quite apathetic. I think that for once having a less stress life has made me go out the door and into apathy.

Then again, I never was one to aspire. I usually only did what other people wanted. I guess the difference here now is that since my parents realize I did everything out of obligation and pretty much gave myself a nervous breakdown, they think it is best to make me not feel obligated and do as I “want”. I always found that rather funny. “What I want”. Well, I now have what I “want” and am bloody happy to have it. Sad thing is, it will not last forever. What is it? Having no stress was my want. Now my parents say I am actually looking and acting better. Freakishly I even said that I thought I was happy for once in my life. Happy plus me never seemed to make sense. Therefore, I was rather dumbfounded at the revelation.

Sigh. There is not much left to ramble about.

Soon I will get to visit the doctor. My mom saw him yesterday I believe. She said he was okay. She did not seem extremely taken by him, but she did not hate him either. Here is hoping. Two days later, I will be going to see my brother and father. Here is luck to that visit as well.

~ The Vampire Sheep

This morning around eleven the phone rings. As usual, I do not answer and let the machine get it. Thank god, I do that. Well, it seems someone dealing with health insurance stumbled upon me and called. What disturbs me is that he said he had my name on his desk and that it appears I have been searching the Internet about health insurance.

I have not searched the net over such. My mother may have, but that should not concern my name, should it? Other than that, I am rather freaked out. Sure, sure, I should know such things are possible. The Internet is more or less an unsafe place and anyone paranoid should know that. It makes me leery. It is creepy like how the government can find your records in regards to books you check out in a library or how a professional can take your computer and find things you delete ages ago. I shudder.

Sigh.

In other news, my girls have gone off to Baltimore. Sadly, I never was good at geography. All I know is… go up north, like in the New York/Maine/Maryland sort of North, baby. They will be gone from now until Sunday. I told them to take good luck charms or something similar to one. Their responses were along the same lines. I swear they are cute. I could eat them up, dammit. (Not literally, you freak.)

In transition, I lost their address! I guess that is what I get for cleaning my email box. Yeah, I am only using what – one percent of my space? Still, I like to be able to find things. I will have to ask for their address again once they return. Along with that, I lost Clark’s email and such. Sigh. I do not know why she gave it to me, but I did intend to use it on holidays. Maybe I have it elsewhere. Only one other thing that had it and it was a sheet of paper. Therefore, the chance is rare of me still possessing it. Again, I sigh.

It seems I am not going north to see my brother and father today or stay the weekend. The trip is now moved to the second of September. I will likely finally get a haircut on the third. Joy. An additional date to keep in mind is the thirty-first I believe. That day I get to see a doctor. My mom is seeing the person on the twenty-sixth, so I suppose I will have her impression to help me out. Oh, utter joy.

The week has been another blur to me. It is only just yesterday night did my sleeping become “normal” again. Normal being, I am sleeping during the day and it is sporadic as hell. I went to bed around four or five this morning and woke up again around seven I think. I fell asleep for an hour sometime later. I will likely fall asleep a bit before we go for groceries or after them.

Other than that, I have been drawing mindless things. The other night I drew something, in regards to a comic a person I know has been drawing, for the heck of it. It involved an alter ego of CP. In order to make commentaries added on a random drawing of me in some sort of alter ego form. In the end, CP said she liked my drawing and it seemed to amuse her, thus happiness. In addition, I found I liked the alter ego. I drew him a few other times for fun. I think he will be my mascot. Fun times.

Oh, and here is hoping that I do not hurt my back this time loading groceries.

Well, that is all I am writing.

~ The Nyxian Sheep Who is a Vampire

I hurt my back terribly on Friday night. We had gone to a Mexican restaurant, and somehow I did something to my hip that made it ache slightly. It had been a while since such has happened. Then right after that my mother and I went to the grocery store. My mom tells me I twisted my back while moving her freakishly heavy pack of twenty-four bottles of water. After unpacking, I was extremely tired again, but would not sleep until I cleaned up the place. I did the laundry, dishes and so forth. In mid of it I added another to the list… a shower. I did all of that and finally hit the bed.

I stayed in bed a lot this weekend. My sleeping has not changed. I am sleeping far too much. I cannot even remember much about this week either. It has been a long time since I have had a tired spell last so long. All I know really is that I have been reading a lot if awake, or doing my chores. In fact, due to my sleeping, I had not seen my mother for two days and ten hours. In other words, I finally saw her Friday. In fact, I believe it might have been that day, or perhaps Saturday, did she mention wishing I would go to college. I cringed.

Yeah, I suppose I could. I noticed either that day or some other day that I seem to becoming even more distant to the outside world. I do not… really care so much about it. I used to worry about the future quite a lot when younger. Now though… It is slowly becoming similar to the phrase “tomorrow never comes”. Is there really such to say there is a future? There is the present and the past. The present does not become the future, but does become a past. That is what you live. You live the present, you have the past. The future is not as tangible as that. I can only shrug though.

When I would say I lack ambitions… I really believe that is true. I am sure I have some, but they are not very noticeable and not likely along the lines of “acceptable” to reality. Sigh.

I lack in anything left to write, I believe. I am talking to Neko right now though. 🙂 Oh, and now that I think about it, in five days or something, I’ll be off to see my brother and father.

~ The Tired Vampire Sheep

Much to my surprise, I do not think I have seen my mother since Wednesday morning… I’ve been sleeping differently than usual. I am actually sleeping at night for the most part! Terrifying… I’m up a small portion of the night, but other than that, I’m in bed. Along with that, I have not seen CP or Neko. They were gone for the most part of this week.

I am not writing much on here as of late. I think it is because of all the writing I have done for the webpage. To add onto that, I have also been rereading things like my old story and the RP story. Good times…

~The Sheep Who is Sleeping at Night

My mother wants me to learn how to iron. Everything else I have been doing and adding onto my list of unlikable chores… fine. Ironing though… Oh god…

~The Distressed Vampire Sheep

Oh–god…

As said last entry… I am not quite here. CP and Neko could tell you that. My poor girls… I have not really been on that much and when I am on, it is in the mid morning hours. I have been sleeping a lot… especially yesterday. I figure it is my old habits picking up. I am sleeping for a long time span once every month, as my parents know quite well. Sometimes it can last a few days, others it can last a week or slightly more. I have been sleeping so much I actually sleep at night! It is scary, I know. Due to that, I am not on until around four in the morning… yesterday I was out almost all day and all night. I had slept a lot the day before that as well.

Sigh.

Well, most of the week was still spent on the web page. I think it has finally gotten to the point that I cannot really do much else… fun times, though… fun times. Until I am able to accumulate more, I suppose it is on hold. Growl!

I talked to Kyle for a short while at some point. He has been sending me music files sporadically. It is… interesting. Oh, I know. I saw him on Thursday because I told him about seeing the shrink. I saw her on Friday. It seems the meetings are more for her. Apparently, she wants to get to know me better. I do not mind. There is not much to know really. Maybe if she met me a couple of years ago, by god would there be plenty… Now though, my life is simple, routine and downright content. Joy.

I seem not to care for eating right now. Oh, I will eat; I just do not find it favorable. My body is odd. I have no routine whatsoever biologically. I do not eat specifically, and often forget in truth. My sleeping patterns are so atrocious they cannot really be said to have a pattern. My memory can be surprising and at other times typical…. many happy things.

The only thing that is actually scheduled with me is my side effects or whatever they would be called. Each month I break out, which is annoying since I never had such problems before the knowledge that I had bipolar. I have a nosebleed once a month. I have the sleeping period once a month. I have so many “fun” things. Oh, and something constant would be my drinking. I always need drinks. Yay.

Geez… I have only been up and about for two hours and a half and I am becoming tired in the head again. Yeah, I am physically wide-awake. My head is what cries out for sleep now. It is insane. These sleeping spells always make me feel lazy… which is silly since I just finished vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, laundry, wiping, and all of that fun stuff. There were additional chores as well that concerned toilets, sinks, and showerheads that were forming orange coloring. Something tells me this shirt is going to have much bleach markings once it is washed. Damnable. All of my shirts are going to have bleach on them sooner or later.

Oh, and I will have to go to the city capital on the nineteenth. My dad will be with my brother at that time. My mother and I will be there for the weekend. Maybe then I will be able to actually have a decent haircut scheduled! By the end up this month, I get to see out new family doctor and have a physical or something. Joy. In addition, around September seventh or something like that, we will be up there again for my eldest brother’s birthday.

Sigh.

That is all I am typing.

~ The Vampire Sheep that is Sleeping too Much