Relationships are utterly depressing. Thank god, I have few and I can keep those kind from being depressing for the most part. Then again, the farthest I will go is friendship. Something more than that would likely give me a breakdown that I would not be able to talk myself out of as soon as possible.

It is funny though, today I happened to look through every link I had. I went on to others that were linked to the places I would visit. I suppose it is that funny connection theory acting up again. Either way, I learned many things going on. I also learned that no matter how much you think you know someone, you will be mistaken.

Sigh.

It does not bother me really. I do not think much does nowadays. It is nice. Still though, as I took a bath this afternoon, as I was not feeling well, I mused upon it. You have to wonder what is really the truth these days… or perhaps just when it comes to people. There were things I thought I knew, but just this beginning year, I learn they were all lies.

Change happens though. A while ago, I likely would have been utterly hurt and in pain over it. I would feel misled and so forth. Then again, a year ago, it might have been the truth and time merely changed things. Maybe it was just a joke and I took it seriously, as I have always been serious.

Well, anyway, I found that out today. Sure, I knew about it, but… this case just was so lucid and tangible. Ah, life…

Another odd tidbit is the following: after all these years I have found I am allergic to grass. Yes, grass. It is not anything serious, but if I am on it, I will start itching like mad. I do not mind though. I do not go outside much anyway, and when I am, I am on concrete. Moreover, it gets me out of learning how to mow the lawn. That is definitely a plus.

An other odd thing is that this beginning week I have been unable to eat without becoming nauseated. I figure it is some sort of bug. At first, I figured my stomach was empty and was in dire need of food, since that is usually the case. Nope, this time it really was sickness and not hunger. I am eating, but I always end up feeling like hurling after. Lovely.

My father will be here tomorrow afternoon. That should be cool. Apparently, my sister will not be coming. She will come some other point when the house is less filled. That is fine with me. It makes sleeping arrangements less complicated.

Speaking of sleeping, I am now in the phase of needing more than just nine to thirteen hours. The phase before this was breaking out. Soon enough, I shall be bedridden or something along the lines of that. I do not think I have to worry about depression though. I have been doing quite well in that area. It is wonderful.

I suppose that is all.

~ The Vampire Sheep

I have become quite close to the ending of the story. It is close to eighty pages now. Yeah, writer’s block, I say, but I cannot leave something unfinished. It is fast, sloppy and needs more to it. I have oodles of time for that to kick in though. I mean, hey, I wrote “that story” back when I was thirteen and look at it now. It is around four hundred pages when it started out as only four.

My sleeping has mainly been at daytime. I seem to do best like that. I checked into the origins thing. It seems it is correct. When it would be six in the morning here, it would be seven in the evening there. Man, I love my way of thinking sometimes.

Tonight I decided to watch another movie again. I had watched an OVA set I got a while ago a few nights before. I found I like my nightly ritual of seeing a flick occasionally. I saw Gone in 60 Seconds this time around. As usual, Cage was great. I did not get a huge elation via the speed, but then again, you need to be in the car for that. Did not have much humour, but that is fine. I liked the Unicorn bit. Either way, good movie – would not buy it, but hey, we already have it so two birds with one stone.

I saw one of my girls the other night – Thursday I believe. Their absence was more along the lines of the Internet. Their parents did not pay the bill and so they had none. In addition, they have been sitting a house and cats. I do not know if they did their SATs… I forgot to ask. Either way, the question does not really matter. They are still going to busy. Happily, though, I sent the birthday picture. Simply put, they seemed to love it. Joy.

I talked with some people via chat room that is connected to a forum I drop by every now and then. Good times. We talked about jobs, hats, and the girls and how I have one puny body. I must laugh at that. I told them about the jobs I applied for and they got onto me about me calling the people and not them calling me. Yeah, yeah… but the thing is, I do not want the jobs.

I told them what I like doing. Stocking seems to be my call. Yeah, I am the blue shirt without the damnable tie. We laughed at the thought of me working in a steel yard and I told them about my bad back. That brought mention to the hutch incident. I could get into that on here, but I am either too lazy, or know that it is of little need. Likely, it is both.

Mr. Lee sent me a song today. It amused me. It was the song they have been playing for a Diet Coke commercial. We do not talk much, but I rather expect that. That is how my friendships always seem to end as.

I see myself being stone for people to lean against at times. Sad, sure, but it happens, and I am used to it. My friends… we no longer see each other, but when they really are desperate, lonely, whatever and have no one else… They always seem to contact me.

I used to see it as pathetic on my part, but after a while, I started to like it. I see it as meaning, they know I will be there; they just have to seek me out. If you have people who can depend on you like that, you must have done at least something right. Perhaps I am kidding myself though. If I am, I cannot tell.

I saw another friend from time to time. She was an old friend. We met in kindergarten even. We drifted at middle school. She has been reaching me via messenger. Oddly, I find it natural. There is not a feeling of discomfort at all. She came, we chatted, and I was just fine. Ah, growing up… in fact, from looking at my past on Thursday night… it has been five years more or less since my times of biogenic hell started. I really do feel mature – not old, but mature. It is nice.

Sigh.

Well, for other news, on Wednesday night my father, eldest brother and sister are all coming down to spend about a week down here with us. God help me. It will be hell trying to keep the house in decent shape then and vacuuming and dusting will be nonexistent since there will be many people in this tiny place.

Nevertheless, it will be good to see Dad again. I do not worry so much about my two siblings, but that is simply because they can get along when it comes to being alone. My dad on the other hand… Well, I worry for him. My sister can live alone. My brother can live alone… My dad being alone though… Sometimes I wonder if I should go back up north and sort of look after him. That will not happen, but I think that at times.

Sigh.

I guess that is all for this round.

~ The Vampire Sheep That is One with the Duck

Well, it is summer and as I learned last year, summer is the time my girls will be gone. Their reason is due to hectic family celebrations. Almost everyone in their family has a birthday this time of year including them. In addition, there is the case of the SATs… I have no idea when they are taking it or if they already have. I can only hope to see them soon. I hope they are around on their birthday. I drew something for them, much like I did their last one. Per usual, it is a picture of the three of us together. The difference is our hair, it is a full body shot and we are in interesting attire. Fun times…

The days have been spent mostly sleeping. I am terrible about sleeping habits. I have given up for the while. I will likely try to sleep like a normal person some point once again… but I am tired of trying for the meantime. Therefore, I am sleeping the same time the other side of the world is. Sometimes I muse that after I was shipped over here due to adoption, the sleeping scheduling never changed from my origins. That is fun.

I have been going down memory road as of late and have been looking at old toys and movies I enjoyed as a child. Along with that, I have an odd fascination with miniature things. I had been looking for miniature versions of halberds; since I would never have the money for a life-sized replica… By god, I like the miniatures! I have a few already, but still… mini weapons are more flexible since I can actually find places to put them. Besides, I lack the grace to wield one. I want a boken though – wooden Japanese sword. I could try with that. More fun.

Other things… well, I have not heard back from Pier One Imports. It is wrong of me, but I am relieved. I think my encounter the day I asked for an application sealed the deal. I have a very poor short-term memory affliction. An example would be… recently my mother asked me to do a favor in terms of laundry. I agreed to it. A few minutes later, I had to walk back into the room and ask her what the favor was and if it had anything to do with something I was trying out. It is funny how I can remember things a long time after, though.

I have reached a writer’s block finally. I have near seventy-five pages down so far. I am pleased. I know what I wish to do around the end, I just cannot decide and how I shall transfer to that. Oh well. I need my girls… for some reason I can usually write when they are around. I wonder if they are my muses. Fun, fun…

In addition, an odd thought hit me the night before. I had watched a Disney movie I owned since I was being nostalgic as of late. It was Beauty and the Beast. I was trying to fall asleep when it struck me. The cracked teacup named Chip… he seems to be only around seven in the movie. That is implausible though. It is said how long the curse had befallen them. “Ten years we’ve been rusting…” as the candelabra had sung. In the Christmas story chip looked to be three. He should be thirteen at least. I mean, come on, the Beast grew over the years. Twenty-five… God… cursed when he was fifteen. Talk about puberty and growing more hair while also getting a deeper voice.

Tonight I watched Con Air. God I love that movie. I saw it when I was around eight or nine. I am thinking eight. I think I shall always enjoy it. Great actors… Cage, Buscemi, Malkovich… Love all three of them. Gah, I want to buy movies! Too bad I am dirt poor and even if I had a job, I would not spend it on such entertainments. I would likely save the money or help pay bills. Such is life.

Anyway, that is my happily uneventful life. I am so unassuming and unadventurous. Hu. How fun.

~The Vampire Sheep Who is One with the Duck

Well, I have heard no word from GIBSONS, but I do not mind. I am very… scared of a job prospect. I tried applying at a place called “Pier One” just the other day though. I am still scared of the concept of being hired.

I realized, in all my musings though, I think I like jobs that requires labor. I will be doing something and think, hey, I could do this. Like when I go to the grocery store to help my mother, I sometimes bag the things being checked out because the bagging person is gone for some reason or another.

Other times, due to OCD or something, I have an odd tendency to get as many carts together and put them into the place they belong as many people are lazy bums and leave them all over the parking lot. I enjoy rounding them up and then ramming them all together.

I also would not mind cleaning. Clean tables at a restaurant, clean the dishes, or put things in order… good times. I do not mind organizing. Half the time I am doing that anyway. Organize books, antiques, whatever. I come to do that naturally and seem to be able to make it look nice.

Another thing is packing. I like packing. Put things on shelves, unpack, load, or unload… I did not mind doing that during the move. Unpacking was my strong point. My mom told me I did not have to unpack everything in one night. I did though, put them in order or in some sort of “nice looking array” and in the end they came in and start telling me how they “really like” my room. “It’s the nicest room in the house” and all that junk.

Other things going on in my life deals with my girls. I have not seen them the past few days due to chores, errands, and shopping and many other things. They are looking for part time jobs as well and have been dealing with the dreaded SAT. God I hated that. Like me, they struggle with math. I am hoping for them though. If worst comes to worst, they can try again next time. I just hope they will at least get a good score on the literary area that will even out any bad test area – that is how it worked fro my brother and mother anyway.

My sister is off in Mexico I believe and is staying with a person who works with my dad. My dad is alone up north and is stuck with my sister’s annoying dog. My eldest brother is in the capitol and is starting to disgust my parents with his sloth-like ways and lack of ever having a job. (Well, he has had one at Wal-Mart, but he stopped going when he got sick of it or something of such without giving notice. He can be such a bum.)

Everything is as usual around here. So far, my mom has not, from what I assume, kept up with the “get things when we need them instead of all at once.” I may be wrong though. Perhaps that is why I am out more often. (Gah, the sunlight! My skin!)

Oh, there is something that has gone on which is out of the usual. We had a flea infestation. As it is, I am the only one with the correct body heat to attract them out of all the humans in the household. My brother’s cat had little, but my mother’s dog and mine had cities of them that, if still alive, would likely soon have a country by now.

I am still covered in bites, but am good. My cat should have none on him with all the precautions I did and my mother’s dog damn well better not have them since he was the damnable thing that brought them into the house!

Well, anyway, SED came along around the seventh, but it seems I have not had a depression for a while. Maybe it is due to lack of stress nowadays. Yay. My sleeping is still erratic as usual and meds still cost an atrocious amount. I am missing Eileen and Erin though and hope to see them at some point.

My mouse is screwed up for some reason. Dammit! I scanned for viruses and all that good stuff as well. Maybe it is not the mouse and something else. Argh.

Also, another notice, I started a story the day after my last entry on this. I have fifty pages written in WinWord but now am in a slump from using so much juice every night. Oh well. I will put it away and if it ever comes again… Whoo!

Sigh.

I suppose that is it other than that my dad will be coming down for 4th of July. He will be staying a week. 🙂

~ The Vampire Sheep… Bah!

Well, here I go again. I am writing in a revamped journal. What has been going on since the time I trashed my previous blog is simple. I have been moving, starting anew and adjusting. After I finished my second semester in college time was spent packing and moving. I moved in early May. It perhaps has been almost a month since I arrived here even. Where is here? It is eight hours away from where I previously lived. I would say I have adjusted well enough. I suppose one could say I change very little.

The trip was terrible and U-Haul trucks suck for anyone who endures motion sickness. I unpacked and settled into the new surroundings in one day. My mother told me I did not need to empty out everything I owned in one day. It is assumable she does not know me as well as I presumed. It took about a week to finally accept this room and to become used to where all my things are now located.

I started to get into a faint routine and am more familiar with the rooms outside my room now. I still have no real idea on how to get around town; then again, I would likely have to live here for half a decade or two until that ever happens. Even though my dad is not with us, it rather seems the same. I have the hardest time sleeping at night as always, I do chores – in fact more than I used to, I avoid the phone like the plague and piddle throughout the day.

A change that I have become adjusted to is my mom arriving home at five PM now. It is somewhat odd, but as said, I am becoming used to it. Instead of my dad, it is my mom. Check. Another change is eating at the dinner table with my mother and brother. It is not happening so much as of late due to my brother’s work hours, but simply put, it freaked me out in the beginning. Ah, the American family…

Other things are cleaning. I now have dusting every other day on the list as well as sweeping and vacuuming daily. How I despise chores. I am managing to do them well enough though despite how I lack any schedule or order in my life as odd as that may seem with how monotonous I am…

In addition, on Friday afternoons my mother and I have been doing the grocery shopping. We go for coupons and pinching pennies. In the beginning, we were quite lost, and even though she had been in this town longer than I, I was the one leading her to the section she needed to find a specific thing in. We are better, but I still must lead her. I am her “right-hand man” it would seem. I say she is hopeless without me, which is hilarious since I am one utterly sheltered creature. Either way, yesterday or today depending on how one views it, she decided to go grocery shopping only when we run out of something and need to replenish. That shall be fascinating.

Kyle and I seem to be at smoother courses. I still have not really met anyone here, but hey, my mother and brother do not really have friends here either. I somewhat think it is not as important as I thought it was previously. Sure, it is good to keep contacts, but when it comes to making a living… usually you are busy working. You have those you work with, but other than that…

I have been looking about the town. I go outside more with my mother now. I help her do errands and get groceries. I filled out an application form for this one place called “GIBSONS” and returned it on Thursday. I am a bit leery though. Despite how I like the store, I have no working experience and to add to it, my sleeping patterns are hard to bend.

I have tried going to sleep at eleven the passed nights. All attempts are fruitless. I either never fall asleep until around four or I take a sleeping pill and wake up at three. Either way, I end up sleeping all through the daylight hours. I am quite screwed. In fact, tonight I went to bed at 11:20. I lay there until around one and simply plopped myself onto the living room couch. I could not fall asleep there either. I made another attempt to sleep in my bed, but that was of futile hopes as well.

Here I am. Bah.

~ The Vampire Sheep Who is One with the Duck