Wednesday I was informed my uncle saw the doctor and there are two shadows on his lungs. He also happens to be the uncle with MS and not too long ago he had his kidney removed due to cancer… Oi. Bad luck is falling on everyone… My parents, my mom’s side of the family and dad’s side of the family… Sigh.
Later on my sister dropped by and stayed from Wednesday night to Friday. I have nothing to really say to that.
We are still in financial problems. I added in three hundred more bucks to the home mortgage than my original amount to help out.
Friday I got up at six thirty, ate breakfast took a shower and by seven forty-five Mom and I left for a dental appointment. There we did a usual cleaning. In between mine, I had a panoramic x-ray taken. They wanted to see if I had any wisdom teeth hidden on my upper gums. It seems I only have two to worry about, as there were none above. Well, after a few years of them noting about them, we finally are making plans of taking them out. We just haven’t decided on a date yet. Other than that, my teeth are doing fine.
Done around six fifteen, my mom and I headed home. I did a few chores and she got ready to go to work. She left around nine thirty.
I went to bed again sometime later. I awoke again at twelve when my dad came home. I got up, did the rest of my chores minus the vacuuming and soon enough he had to leave. My sister was leaving at that time too and so was going to drop him off at work. I waved goodbye and shut the garage door when they pulled out.
After that I ate some lunch a quarter to one. I worked on the computer after that until my dad got home around four. When that occurred I took a nap. An hour later my mom arrived home and left for the bank.
Due to the money issues, I withdrew what I had left money wise. When we were done with that we ate dinner with my brother and headed home once more. After that there was television watching.
I went to bed around ten after that and woke again some point in the middle of the night. I stayed up for a while, read and did a few things and then hit the hay again some hours later.
Saturday I woke around seven thirty, did some chores, worked on the computer, ate breakfast and took a shower. The order is uncertain. Finally around eleven my dad was getting ready to leave for the groceries. I had a quick lunch in the form of a peanut butter sandwich and we were off.
Two things on the grocery list could not be found, so my dad and I looked into two health food stores after that. We only found one of the items. In the last one we looked into, I searched for something with Xylitol in it. At the dentist the woman recommended I try using that. Apparently it stops bacteria in the mouth from producing harmful acids that cause tooth decay. Well, I found some mints made of the stuff and tried one out on the way home.
Well, we got home. We unloaded and put up groceries. I cleaned some and headed back to my room. I had something to work on via the computer. Most of my afternoon was taken up with that.
I don’t quite remember the later hours of the afternoon though, but I might have taken a nap. Anyway, around six my mom wants to watch TV, so we do. In between I heat up a potato and eat it for dinner.
Sunday… I slept a lot for some reason. I mean, yeah, I was up… I did chores, ate meals and read occasionally, but for the most part… I was out. Maybe it is the weather… It is cooling down here a bit finally.
Not much is to be said… my brother came by around noon, he stayed for dinner and we ate “breakfast” for dinner. The menu was bacon, eggs and pancakes. We ate, watched CNN because nothing else was on and my brother eventually left.
Around seven I headed to my room because I was freaking cold. Earlier my brother and turned the A/C down to 74 cool and that is not good for me. It caused me to get a running nose and thus I was sneezing a lot. Well, when he left I changed it to 76. Despite wearing my hoodie jacket and jeans, I couldn’t warm up, so I snuggled under the covers of my bed. I wound up falling asleep of course.
I woke again around eleven last night. I read, checked some things that regard chores and ate my midnight meal. I went to bed again sometime in the ungodly hours of the morning.
It is Monday now. I can breathe again and my day has been routine so far. Yeah.

Let’s see… After my last entry I found out around Sunday or Monday that my left leg is likely longer than my right. I walk with my left foot pointing a bit to the outer side instead of facing completely forward. I usually rest on my right foot and let my left leg rest angled instead of straight up and down.
We also concluded that when walking I need better shoes. So, I wound up spending around eighty-something dollars on new freaking shoes. Sigh. They had better do wonders for me.
The rest of the week is a blur to me, but I do know I worked on my dad’s B-day gift off and on during the afternoons. I have some Sculpey and made a sunflower with a slight back ground. It turned out good and then after it was baked, I painted it with some acrylics.
My brother had come by during those times as well. He had laundry to wash and a blanket he needed my mom to patch up. He saw my process as well as a few additional things I made with the polymer clay.
Three-dimensional art is not my forte. Still, I find it a lot easier than painting. I think it all turned out well.
Mom got to see the end result of the sunflower. When Saturday was to come, she told me she’d take me to the crafts store so I could get some other things to finish the project. Yeah, I was going to do more with it.
Friday was normal. We went out to eat that night at the Mexican restaurant we like. It was all good.
Saturday was busy again. Dad and I got groceries a bit earlier than usual. Mom needed the car by one. She had a conference-like thing to go to. I worked off and on painting one of the other Sculpey things.
By two or such my mom came home and we left to the craft store. I got a frame, some backing and acrylics. Mom then checked out the fabrics for ideas and eventually we headed to another area to look at candles. She got three candles and then we went to check out. In total my gift to my father was about twenty-five to thirty bucks in supplies and who knows how much in time and preparation. Heh.
We left then and stopped by a health food store where my mom bought some sort of drink that was thirty-two ounces and cost forty-freaking-bucks. I said nothing though. “To each his own” is the phrase I believe. Besides, I’ve likely gotten insanely priced things from time to time too.
After that we headed across town to get pet supplies and then stopped by Hallmark to get birthday cards. When all of that was accomplished we then stopped by the mall-like area and Mom bought some shirts for Dad’s B-day and then got a few things for herself since it was tax-free weekend and all that. I can’t recall how much she got, but like… for six to eight nice things she got all for about fifty-nine bucks apparently.
When we were in the car Mom spoke of being tired and I spoke of craving Chinese. She apparently liked the idea and decided we should eat some. So, we went home. We unpacked and I hid the gifts in my closet as such seems to occur with all gifts, and we headed out. Dad wasn’t interested so it was just Mom and me.
It was good. We got out usual orders, saw Jennifer – the lady who owns and knows us well as customers – and talked. Mom certainly felt better after getting some food in her and I simply liked the taste as usual.
We returned home with leftovers when that was over with and for a while I worked on the Sculpey thing. I was saving my dad’s gift for later when I knew he’d be asleep. In the middle of it, my mom checked on me. She wanted to watch TV. I obliged.
When nine came I returned to my room once we watched all that was to be watched. I returned to painting and then did whatever. When I was quite certain everyone was asleep I decided to work on my dad’s gift.
It required cutting, pasting and painting. In the end, I think it turned out fine. I put it into the frame-like shadow box and I was finally done. It was the ungodly hours of the morning by then.
After cleaning up, I rested in bed for an hour before my cat wanted out again. I stayed up after that and meandered out of my room around six. I saw my dad, he asked why I was up, I told him half of the reason and I got my meds. I think I went to bed around seven after that.
I woke up at one that afternoon. I don’t remember quite what I did other than read a bit out of a book I got the day before via mail. I had fallen asleep again at some other point and woke again around… five maybe? My dad made comment about it. Why he cares about my sleep patterns is beyond me, but it is bothersome.
While doing some dishes, I saw my mom and asked her if she wanted to see the end result. She liked it. That was reassuring.
After that, I am not quite sure what I did, but around six I ate a bacon sandwich for dinner. I had watched the end of “Ocean’s Twelve” with my brother, which is the only amount I’ve ever seen of it anyway, and at some point my mom asked me to sew up the bedspread as well as wash the sheets to it by Monday.
I hate sewing bedspreads.
Well, around nine-thirty, I fell asleep again and didn’t wake until one. I got up then, ate a midnight meal, cleaned up the kitchen and started the washing process of the bed sheets. I went back to sleep around three and woke again around seven. Somewhere in between I received my meds.
I saw my parents before they left, did some chores and ate breakfast. They left, I meandered. I went to bed again at some point to wake up around twelve. By then the sheets, covers and bedspread had been cleaned and dried, so I piled them up.
Dad came home not long after and we made the bed together. I then made myself a peanut butter sandwich and we chatted a bit or I meandered. He left sometime later… maybe around one?
When two came I got in my walk and around three or four I vacuumed. My sister arrived around four-thirty and since I was back in my room, I didn’t hear her at all. The doorbell and knocking mean nothing back here. What got my attention were the dogs eventually.
My sister had been waiting outside. I opened the door and she came in. I had no idea she was coming today. I thought she was coming tomorrow.
Well, she got in, had a phone call from my parents and I meandered back into my room. The rest of the afternoon is a relative blur to me… not much was really done. My mom and sister went to the gym soon after. My dad got to watching TV and I of course stayed in my room and ate dinner.
I fell asleep early… around seven-forty, though. I woke up again around nine-thirty. I was just in time to see my mom get ready for bed. Ha.
Tomorrow is my dad’s B-day. I reminded mom about the card and pulled them out for her so she could sign hers. She left the card and the shirts she got him on his desk chair for him to find tomorrow morning. I merely left the card. I plan to give him the gift I made personally, thank you very much.
So… here I am. From what I know my sister is staying tomorrow, tomorrow night and leaves sometime on Wednesday. My mom and sister took time off work to see each other and plan to spend time together. At lunch they’ll be eating out and I’ll be joining them. We are hoping Dad will be able to join us as well. After that they apparently intend to go to the park and do some kayaking or paddle boating… I draw the line there and plan to stay home after that.
Other than that… nothing really comes to mind. Well, I think my eldest brother is starting school again on Wednesday, actually. Yeah, he’s going back to college. Hoo…
That is all!

Well, I’m doing okay. I haven’t updated in a while… then again, I have little to say. My sister did stop by last Sunday, though. The past Monday and Tuesday I watched an anime Shred suggested to me. I liked it. The beginning was slow and rather confusing for me, but it got better. Despite I liked it I doubt I’ll watch it again… If I do, it will not be any time soon either. It was the sort of show I often have trouble keeping up with. Those cause headaches.
I really can’t remember anything before that… Yeah, last week and the week before that is no longer in my memory apparently. Bad me…
I have been drawing some and writing some. That second story is still going, but no inspiration is coming. I’m just writing as I go along now. The drawing has oddly been inspired by the story as well as a short story I wrote. What is the inspiration? It is chilling. I think it is a good thing Jovan doesn’t know me anymore. My muse is Pierrot.
What is so surprising about that? I have a character who is nicknamed such and in side stories she has been known to clown and such. It should be normal. Not in my case. Writing is one thing, drawing is another. Admittedly, I wouldn’t mind showing them to the aforementioned Jovan because he has coulophobia.  Then I stop myself because I know that would be undeniably cruel.
Anyway, yeah… I’ve been drawing French clowns of all things. They are headshots really, but still. I cannot say my drawing experience has ever led me to believe something like this would be a subject. It rather clashes with my all my other drawings. Heh…
While back when I decided to pick up the name “Pierrot” for my character, it was just a brief passing. I read a small summary of the character, a bit about Commedia dell’Arte and thought… “Wow… he reminds me of my character a bit.” Then, since my character had a nickname for her best friend, I figured, why not have her friend give her a nickname? Thus… Pierrot it was.
Well, after… like… half a decade later or so, I am now actually reading up more on the character. In the end, I do believe he is endearing and in turn like him because he reminds me of my character. Bah!
In all this reading, I’ve also wound up reading some on clowns. There was a bit of history, a bit on the phobia of them and such. I think the majority of them are freaky looking. I can somewhat understand Jovan’s fear even. Old posters of Barnum and Bailey clowns should have scared every little kid on the planet. Still, so far, all of this has been strangely interesting. I even learned a bit about mimes.
Clowns, mimes and so forth are strange… but I have come to appreciate them in the similarity to how one appreciates a ballerina. Strange, some might think… but it is true. (By this I mean the real entertainers…) The energy, the ability to make use of any unforeseen situation, complete control of your physical movements and so forth… that is admirable.
Another change is… I’m drawing in pencil. I have disliked drawing with pencils for about a decade now. They could always smudge easily and the detail could wear away soon. I preferred pens. Well, I can’t do much with pens anymore. I can still do simple cross hatching, sure… but that doesn’t allow as much detail as my more intricate drawings of the past.
Well, with the Pierrot thing came the pencils. I find I’m a bit better handling them now. I don’t shade as nicely as most people can with them; in fact, there are a lot of dark areas as opposed to light. Nevertheless, they are turning out nicely from personal view.
From what I read, something said that “le Pierrot” is often female. Then there was talk of Pierrotte. While that rather left me at loss, I decided to draw the character as female despite Pierrot is a man who pines for a woman. After all, in plays and so forth, the youngest male characters are often played by women. Apparently it was the right decision… they look oddly… pretty.
I finished a picture tonight. It was done in map colors this time… just so it would have a color to it… Red. It is spare more or less… just the lips and about 45% of the background. Other than that is it is black, grey and white. I like it.
Sigh… well, other than the nonsense written above… I’ll still be struggling a bit money wise perhaps. This Saturday I am taking my cat in for his vaccination shots. Hopefully they won’t cost too much. Oi.
I also learned my next dental appointment is October the sixteenth for my teeth cleaning. Such fun! Bah! That is all!

Well, I started Zantac on Sunday and now take that every morning and every night at least thirty minutes before eating. Monday I completely skipped my meds and I think that was the reason for my waking up in a full sweat and yet feeling cold two nights. Such joy it was.
I’ve heard from one of the girls a bit this past week and while the news has been down, I’m just happy knowing they are alive. It is a shame I am so bloody helpless though. I can’t do a thing for them. Sigh…
Friday was the “haircut expedition”. It was okay. The car ride there was an hour or so of feeling like I was on the verge of hurling though. It has been a while since car sickness had affected me so much. Simply put, I was miserable. When arriving into town, we stopped to eat brunch and I did fine with that. We then headed to the mall. I was still a bit queasy.
We looked around a bit and stopped by Lens Crafters to look around. I needed new lenses and my mom needed glasses solely meant for bifocals. We picked out some we liked and soon my mom had to head for her hair appointment. Therefore, we separated.
I wandered about the mall. It has stores that I never knew existed before. They were mainly clothing and shoe stores though. That isn’t my style. I did buy three tank tops for about eight dollars each at Foot Locker though. The ones I am still wearing now are like… three years old.
After that I headed to Earthbound. I meandered and looked at things. Not much was new, so I highly doubted I’d buy anything. Well, there were no worries in that. I glanced at my watch to find it was twelve on the dot. I rushed out of there because that was the exact time my appointment started and I just so happened to be on the other side of the mall.
I got there in time though. My hair was washed and then I got my usual cut. I’ve found after all these years I still only understand half of what my hair stylist is saying. Still, she’s cool. She knows my hair and she’s nice. That is all that matters.
After that, I paid, left a tip and then headed off to read a book I brought along with me. It still annoys me that the mall no longer has a bookstore. That is bloody evil.
So… i read for an hour or so. The book was good so far. When it was two, I decided to check on my mom. She was just getting her hair dried and styled, so I settled down and just watched. Soon enough she was through and my sister popped up. We were to eat lunch with her.
Well, before that happened, we stopped by the glasses store again. We browsed again and wound up getting glasses completely different from our first selections. My sister even found a pair of aviator sunglasses that fit her. Finally, we got around to paying for the buggers though. That took a while. My sister began getting restless and my mom was tired. I do just fine waiting, so I just sat there as usual.
Well, the place didn’t take insurance, so my mom almost didn’t get the second pair of glasses if she had to pay half a thousand dollars for them. A discount was doable though and it became a more acceptable price. Mom paid for hers. Then it was my turn. I found out I’m so blind my lenses are like coke bottle ends. I just knew I was happy I wasn’t born back in my mother’s time. I would have been stuck with those depressing, wide-rimmed, dork glasses. Because of this though, I had to get the priciest lens design due to how thick it would be. Without the discount it would have been around seven-hundred freaking bucks. Instead I got them with a discount. I paid five-hundred and something… pretty much my bank account is near empty. I had enough to buy my groceries though until my next check. As long as there is no over-draft or whatever it is called, I’m fine.
I’ll be getting mine shipped to me in ten days. Since I have such… “special” needs in my order, mine wouldn’t take an hour to do. Bah… Oh, well. I can wait.
We finally got out of there slight before three thirty then. We left, stopped by a soup and salad buffet and my sister was kind enough to pay for both my mom and me. We ate, we talked, my sister asked my mom about how she and dad got engaged and to our disbelief and amusement she didn’t even remember. She admitted some other things to us too that assured us their beginning was no where near romantic. I couldn’t help but laugh.
Well, after that we parted ways. Sister had to get to work and we had to head home. I was lucky this time around because I slept most of the way back. I think I sort of forced it too. I was not in the mood to be conscious for another two-hour trip of being carsick.   Well, we got home about ten to twenty minutes before seven… Yeah, apparently it took three hours. I guess Mom ran into traffic some point.
I headed to my room, semi-unpacked and found an email from one of the girls. It was worrisome, but nothing is certain yet. Sigh.
I can’t remember the rest of the night after that really, but I did watch television with Mom as usual. I also got some writing in on that second story at least. I hit the bed at eleven thirty as well.
Despite the early bedtime, I wound up waking up at twelve today. Oh, well. My meds were never given to me, so I took them four hours off schedule. Oh, well on that too. I ate half a peanut butter sandwich and then took a shower. With that my dad and I headed for groceries. We went, we shopped, we bought, we loaded, we went home, we unloaded and we then put up.
When things were done and settled again, I went to my room and read the rest of the book I started the day before. It took me about four hours or so to read it. Now it is evening. Whoo…
Well, that is all. Bah.

Well, the results from the CAT scan came back. My brother is clean. Ironically the doctor says it is still uncertain though because cancer can hide behind the lymph nodes? Anyway, he suggests more stuff. Said stuff is seeing an Oncologist. There are three options… Have regular blood tests for a while plus CAT scans is one. Having chemo for a while is two. Or, he can have the lymph nodes cut out and have a chance of becoming sterile. -__- Lovely.
As for the other night, it seems the case with my mom’s phone call from our “aunt” was mainly her having a breakdown and needing someone to listen to her. From what little I know she has been a single mother for years. She didn’t divorce her husband for the sake of her kids and keeping the house. Well, now there are divorce issues finally arising and she’s trying to sell the house now that her children are grown and with how the market is now… meh. She has a lot on her shoulders. While it is good to know nothing was wrong with my great aunt, it is a shame that my “aunt” is having such a hard time in life. Sigh…
‘Just thought I’d write these significant tidbits down…

Well, the end of the week was the same as usual. My brother told his experience with getting a CAT scan to us at dinner on Friday. Apparently he dealt with some sort of circle contraption inside a somewhat square object. He had to drink some liquid that looked like orange juice but tasted terrible. It left a metallic taste in his mouth. Then he had to drink some dye that he could feel going from his brain to his toes. He said it felt like he was urinating on himself… O.o…
Then had had to sit on some sort of bed-like thing and hold his arms over his head. It would move up and he’d “enter” a circle that would spin around him. He said it lasted about fifteen minutes. It sounded nuts though.
Saturday was pretty normal as well, but around one my sister shows up. I didn’t think she was coming until Sunday. Oh well. She did freak out my cat though. I wound up taking a nap not long after.
We went out to eat Chinese food that night. My sister paid for the meal as a gift to Dad. We had a good time and her actions (dealt with a nose ring she got) ended the meal with my parents and me laughing hard.
We came back. It was around seven did all of us start to drift though. My sister fell asleep on my parents’ bed. My dad was snoozing in the living room. Mom was in the sewing room, so I snoozed again in my room until it wound up sleeping most of the night. My sister left that night around eight thirty actually. Yeah, she couldn’t stay. She had work the next day.
I woke around ten and worked on writing some more the rest of the night. I went back to sleep maybe around one or two. Around six my dad gave me the Nexium and I joked that I was making him work on Father’s Day. I hugged him and wound up falling asleep again.
Later my mom comes in to get the gifts I’ve been hiding for her. I signed and wrote messages in the cards I got already, so she was busy dealing with her things. I was half awake through this. After that she slipped out again with gifts in hand.
I finally arose around nine. I cleaned the kitchen, did the laundry, ate breakfast and settled back down in my room again. My parents came home from church then and I gave the end of one of my cards to him – “EXTREME HUG!”
Around ten or so I wound up falling asleep again. I should have gone on my walk, but I had the feeling if I did walk, I’d end up tripping, stumbling or whatever again… Basically, I was still out of it.
I took another nap. It lasted until about one-thirty this afternoon. I could tell my eldest brother and his girlfriend was already here. I figured my other brother was here as well.
Well, I rose, took a shower and joined everyone. The kitchen was tended to a bit and my dad started preparing dinner since he won’t let any one do anything for him. I made myself a bacon sandwich since I still needed lunch.
After that I watched my mom, E. brother and his girlfriend play Trivial Pursuit. His girlfriend won more or less and dinner was ready by then. The table was set; we said prayer and then ate. There were discussions and such… I never can remember them sadly.
Well, when half of us were done eating, I got up and began cleaning up. I usually do at least half of the cleaning up. This time I tried to do most of it. So, I put up dishes, from the washer, washed the ones coming to the sink (my dad always says I wash them to the point no one can tell they are dirty) and stuck them into the dishwasher. I did need help from my mom around the end of it because I never quite know what to do with the left overs. Thus, she emptied the dishes for me and I began cleaning them as well.
Dad, E. Brother and his girlfriend were mainly talking in the dining room still. My mom did get a call from her cousin who we all call “aunt”. I never got to hear what it was all about, but there seems to be troubles brewing.
Well, she joined them again, people ate dessert and I kept up with the dishes. Well, I finished up my end finally when they finished their desserts. It is a good thing I never have room for dessert or then I’d be insulted.
Well, after that there was still some more interacting. My dad shared his love for Jimmy Buffet with my brother while his girlfriend sort of got into it. My other brother wandered off elsewhere.
Mom asked me if I was still keeping her small blue jewelry box in my safe hands. I did, and we unburied it. It seems my E. Brother asked about Grandma’s wedding ring. Mom no longer had it due to previous dire events. So, she was looking to see if anything else could be used. I could already tell what this was about.
Thus, later on I asked when she and E. Brother were talking if he was planning to ask his girlfriend for her hand in marriage. It was a yes. I wasn’t really surprised or excited. I just nodded my head and lightly crowed that I knew it.
Well, not long after that E. Brother and his girlfriend had to leave. They had some other family engagements on her side to attend to as well. So, my parents and I waved them off and eventually came back in.
Now I am here typing this. I don’t know where my mom is right this moment, but I plan to ask her about the phone call earlier. She told the rest of the family, but I wasn’t able to hear due to dish washing. Bah.

I saw my psychiatrist on Friday. It was the same old thing. We went, we waited, we went in and we talked. I did bring my binder with me though. I told her perhaps a year ago I would some day. I meant to my last visit, but forgot. Well, she was apparently impressed. Bah.
I have noticed I react differently now though. Back when I went to school and people complimented my art my reaction was to freak out. Now, this estranged me from people. My embarrassment showed from me crying out, “Don’t tell me that! I don’t want to hear that!” I’d groan and carry on sometimes too… maybe even cover my ears with my hands. They always looked at me with wide eyes… the sort where a person backs away and goes, “Uh… oh-kay… (nutcase)…”
Now I ignore people instead… maybe grunt. So the doctor looked and I stared at the wall and the room’s set up. Mom went on as usual about how I would rarely show others my work willingly and junk. She always tells that story the few times I bring my book out. Oh, how earth shattering this moment is. Oi.
Saturday was errand day. Mom needed to go across town, so I followed as usual. She got some office supplies; I got one bloody expensive binder to hold my “original” art in, because when I met my head-doctor the day before the thing split a bit. I have a lot of pictures. The thing is pretty heavy and the binder was pretty old by then.
We then stopped by Hallmark to get Father’s Day stuff. My dad is evil when it comes to gift getting. He doesn’t want you to get him anything. Some would say great, but when the person searching really wants to get something… it is a pickle.
Well, I found two cards, bought them. My mom got a card. I showed her a coffee cup that amused me. If I had known he would have actually liked it (it had lyrics to a Willy Nelson song, which I wasn’t aware of) I would have gotten it. Oh, well…
After that, Mom wanted to stop by the outlet-like mall. She looked for deals and eventually got a shirt as another Father’s Day gift. Over all, we are prepared now.
Sunday was just… normal. So was the rest of the week so far. There were a few things happening, but nothing big to write about.
My dad’s back has been bothering him most of the week. He has a bad back for a while now and for a couple of days now it has been acting up. This was brought on by him bending over to put a collar on one of the dogs. I asked him how it was this morning. He said by the end of the week he expects it to be back to normal. Sigh…
Also, yesterday my brother went in for the CAT scan. Apparently he had a two-hundred fifty-something fine for previous medical expenses not yet paid so they wouldn’t admit him. My dad of course had to pay. I just hope my parents don’t go over draft again. Anyway, results fro the scan won’t be known until Monday. Bah.
In other news, yesterday I reached 300 pages on that story. It made me quite happy. I even got a few emails from Neko late last night as well. It really made my night. She seems okay for the most part, so hopefully things stay that way.
Nothing else comes to mind other than having a doctor’s appointment on the 29th.

Bah! It was cancerous! Sigh… still, the doctor said the tests led to show it hadn’t spread. My brother will get a CAT scan though to be 100% certain. So… here’s hoping.
I don’t know what’s up with my G-aunt. I’m assuming all is okay since no one has called us. I’m guessing she’s just settled in at the rehab thing.
Other than that, my week has been okay. I’m still sleeping more than I’d like… but… who knows? I’ve also gone down on my speed when walking in the morning. Apparently 3.6 mph was too much on my ankle and rendered it to the state of painfulness and me to vague limping. Bah…
I haven’t seen Neko much. She is one busy chica. Still, summers were always busy for her from what my memory tells me. Birthdays, stress, family things and all that fun stuff. Still, she managed to get a part time job at the place she’s been volunteering at. Yeah, it is the very bottom with little pay. Still, it is good. She made a step up because in all truth, I believe she is doing the exact same stuff she’s been doing. Yay! Finally getting some pay out of it.
I haven’t seen Shred much either. He did show me a video in the beginning of the week though. Memories of my childhood thoughts popped up from it. It seems Neko had seen it before as well. We got it and I found it nice to know she had similar feelings as me. It was a comforting thing.
My story is coming along okay, but I think I’m slowing down on juice. It is 249 pages now and that makes me happy. I also think that long story that still always has tweaking is overall finished for once. Yeah, it’s amazing. I finally got in the one thing I wanted to. It is the easy way out and goes in with the epilogue stuff, but still!
I’ll likely write short stories and side stories pertaining to the characters though. They are my brain children. Brain children are love.
Sigh… well… Other than that, I see my head doctor tomorrow afternoon. I’m thinking on showing her my “art book”. I meant to the last time I saw her, but forgot it. I’ve become more resigned to letting people see my stuff. Not so much, I’ve got to know them and all… but I’m easing up.
Yeah…

Tuesday I learned my Great Aunt tripped and broke her ankle. Mom said she’d likely have surgery the same day as my brother – Thursday. She’s getting up there in her years. Mom said she’s around eighty-five now. Well… after all that she’ll likely have to be put in a place to be looked after properly since her daughter, my mom’s cousin, can’t be there all the time due to work and all.
I also learned my brother’s thing isn’t caused by STDs according to tests. They still only know it to be a mass though and the surgery will cost $5,000. That isn’t including the prepping and all that other stuff… just the removal. Oi.
Wednesday night I asked about my brother’s surgery. My mom told me he’d go on at nine thirty and would wait an hour, getting prepped and such. Surgery would likely start at ten thirty. The surgery should last forty five minutes or so. After that he’d be under anesthesia for two hours. The earliest he’d likely get out was one.
He and my mom talked on the phone. My brother has work insurance, but they don’t cover the doctor he has. Mom mentioned things being worked out though since said doctor is the only one who specializes in the area within a certain radius… I think she said fifty mile?
I admitted a part of me wondered about karma. While my brother isn’t essentially a bad person… he has done some bad things in life. As said, he’s already put in a ton of toxins in his body since… maybe when he was twelve. Then I remind myself that bad things happen to good people though. At most my brother is the gray area.
Still, it is a very intense situation. While I tend to numb up in these scenarios, I do feel sorry for him. My mom admitted he sounded close to breaking down when he talked to her on the phone. She said he actually admitted being scared to her and neither of us can remember a time he’s really said such a thing before.
He told my mom he didn’t want us there while he was at the hospital. I can understand why he wouldn’t want Dad there. I think he’d be uncomfortable at most with me there, but not afraid I’d freak out. He’d be fine with just my mom there, but then dad would come. It was agreed to. Mom and I easily understood. My dad didn’t say anything but did agree as well.
As noted times before in previous entries… my dad does poorly when it comes to bad situations if they should concern the family. He usually doesn’t know what to do, gets panicked, yells, becomes irritable or when semi-fine he cracks stupid if not lewd jokes. If he went to the hospital he’d likely fret like mad, pace the entire time and be restless. Knowing that, my brother just didn’t want that happening. It would have made him more nervous and as my mom kept noting, it would make him feel even less in control.
While my mom is the pillar of the family, my brother has been an additional pillar at times too. Since my dad doesn’t handle these situations well, it was usually my brother who stepped in and took command. While my brother has been scared through this he had asked my mom to look after dad. It is just how it is. We worry about worrying my dad. So we usually talk to mom first if not only. Pretty odd I guess… the one going into a life changing surgery worried about the sanity of a family member who is on the side lines.
It is all about the illusion of the control one processes I think.
Dad thinks he can’t control something he flounders and panics.
Brother finds himself in a spiral and he’ll try to find what he can control even if it is something small.
My mom keeps faith, logic and some empathy on her. One might say she puts herself in God’s hands most of the time. She prays.
Me? I’ve concluded a long time ago almost everything is an illusion. Reality is a fragile illusion we use to make ourselves feel safe. It is all about control. So… I just kind of go numb and go with the flow. What happens will happen.
Anyway, it was decided that my parents would be called and when he was okay to go they would pick him up. My dad went to bed after mom relayed enough of the phone call to him. She and I stayed up until ten after that. We talked a bit, I made sure I knew what was happening, we talked about possible cancer and she eventually went onto bed.
I talked about it some with Neko. She had some family problems herself as well, but didn’t share. Oh well. The rest of the night was just enjoyably chatting with her.
I woke up later than usual this morning. I got in my walk, dusted and did some chores. After that I sat outside with my mom while she said plenty of prayers.
My brother went in as planned. We were still outside when we assumed he was just getting into surgery. Mom went out walking and Claire, a woman who’s worked with my brother, had gone all the way to the hospital to see him without any of us knowing. She kept trying to call my mom with our home phone but she kept getting cut off. She did eventually get her on her cell. My dad came home during lunch time and stayed after that.
Well, when one came around my parents left to go to the hospital. I stayed home. My brother went back to his own place and my parents came home. From what I hear he was snappy, protective and yelled at my dad when he got too catering. My brother even got out of the wheel chair before it got to the car, so the nurse just kept wheeling it behind him as he walked.
My mom of course rationalizes all of it. My brother is scared, worried if it is cancer, what will happen to him if it is, his manhood being at stake and all that jazz. He apparently went on about how my father is treating him as a little kid and my mom sees it as control issues. Lack of control over his life is bothering him and all. So, she drove.
Dad started tending to the yard, likely due to nervous energy or stress. My brother texted my mom to ask her to apologize to dad. So… yeah.
Now we are just waiting to find out if the tumor was cancerous or not.
I crashed after that. It was three and I woke up again around five to five thirty… maybe? My “Aunt” called. She gave my mom a progress report on my Great Aunt. She went into surgery too today. They set her ankle and moved her to a rehabilitation place. On the way there, however, her chest began having pains. With her heart condition it could very well have been mild heart attacks. The people then tried to take her to another facility. My aunt and her daughter had no idea about this and had been waiting for her to arrive at the rehab place. Sigh… So, what will happen after this… who knows?
Other than that, the rest of the night has been normal. Yeay…
Oh yeah… I did something to over strain my ankle somehow. I rested it on Tuesday. Wednesday it hurt too much though. I walked on it again today but wound up returning to my semi-limp mode. I’ll rest it tomorrow and try a lighter walk the next day I guess. How annoying…

Well, dinner was less than appetizing to me on Sunday and that of course upset my dad. Oi. I won’t go into that.
My brother came by for dinner. The ER couldn’t help him out much other than agree with him that something was wrong. So, he was to see a doctor, who specialized in the area, I guess.
Today he went somewhere. Cancer hasn’t been picked up on the tests, but the doctor says that the tests can fail at times. Nevertheless, he still needs surgery. So, Thursday he is going in and having the area that holds the mass removed and will have a prosthesis.
My dad and Brother came home at lunch, and if they already had those results, they never told me. My brother, I can understand. My father I can understand. They just went on as normal around me.
I found out from my mother. She got home and said she guessed I knew about the results. I didn’t and wondered why she would think Dad would ever talk to me about such a thing. I guess she realized that soon enough.
Because of this, she skipped jury duty though. After all, this is a serious family matter. She went onto work and got home later than usual. She seems her usual self though.
I just thought all of this should get written down.